Ripped Apart

Dear ESB,

I am in the midst of a full-on clusterf*ck rage, but have calmed down just enough to type out this request for help (or at least a new perspective).

I recently got married, and my wedding was wonderful, everything a girl (or guy) could hope for, right down to the expensive designer dress I wore. However, because we (hubs and I) are on a budget, I decided to sell my dress afterwards to recoup some costs. I was so careful about wearing the dress I even had a second (cheapie) dress to wear during the dance! As I was being whisked away on my honeymoon directly after the wedding, I asked my oldest friend and MOH to do the honours of having the dress cleaned at a reputable cleaners and sending it on to the buyer (I'd already sold the dress). I gave MOH a blank cheque and told her it was incredibly important that this dress be in pristine condition for the next bride. She later told me that she got a great deal by taking the dress to her boyfriend's Dad's business and that his mom did some "minor" repairs. I wasn't thrilled to hear that she didn't take the dress to either of the businesses I had recommended, but figured she was working in my best interests. The last time I saw the dress it had a few minor tears in the tulle, but was otherwise fine. 

Fast forward to now; I had a dispute with the bride who bought the dress because she said it was in incredibly poor condition; everything from giant tears to colour fade to (gasp) entire elements of the dress missing. I didn't argue with her much when I saw some pictures, but still figured she was exaggerating. I offered the bride a full refund and sat back and waited for my dress with a sinking feeling in my stomach...for very good reason. I got the dress back just hours ago and barely recognize it. The damage is extensive, and someone has definitely taken shears/amature skills to it in an attempt to hide the damage. Basically, my MOH's boyfriend's parents ruined my dress, and now I don't know if I will be able to sell it at all. But worse than that, my MOH must have realized that the dress was damaged and not told me. She was the one who packed it for shipping, so she would have seen what condition it was in after cleaning (she also bustled it at the wedding, so she, more than anyone, knows what it is supposed to look like!). I am convinced she knew, and just thought I would never find out. I have not yet spoken with her, but that is only because a) I'm so upset and b) I have no idea what to say.

So, my question, ESB, is what would you do if your oldest friend and MOH purposely lied to you? I don't want to be the kind of idiot who ruins a friendship over a dress...but she lied to me. Am I overreacting?

Sincerely,

Ripped Apart

Ready to pull out the Bridemaids' hair for THEM

Dear ESB,

My fiancee and I are getting married in November.  Yayyyy!!  I've asked my closest family and friends to be the bridesmaids.  Yayyyy!!  My dilemna lies with the anxiety these tricks are giving me.  None of the girls are married (the ones that are causing anxiety anyway) so they really have no idea how many miniscule idiotic details are entailed in planning a wedding.  My fiancee and I made a pact at the point of the engagement that we would NOT stress about planning this wedding.  We want to fully enjoy this momentous ocassion to its fullest extent.  Now, I know that (at least for me) it will be nearly impossible to be stress free when planning the wedding however, we have succeeded as much as possible to date.  A couple of the girls are LITERALLY up my rear end about picking a dress.  I told them that they'll be wearing black dresses and I've been on the hunt for cheese free but still reasonably priced bs dresses but this isn't sufficient for them.  I know there are a ton of places that do cheese free bs dresses but can't find any that offer dresses that cater to the budget of less than $200 that I'm looking to fulfill and I abhor the idea of getting dresses at someplace like David's.  I'm not concerned, at least not yet, that there won't be enough time to get the girls dresses.  So I guess my questions for you are: A) Am I warranted in wanting to issue the bridesmaids that are causing stress a big STFU (shut the f**k up until I find something?  and B) Could you suggest places that I can look to secure dresses that would suffice for a wedding in the budget price point of less than $200??

Signed,
Ready to pull out the Bridemaids' hair for THEM

My Maid of Honor Is Clueless

My maid of honor is my wonderful college roommate that I've known for eight years. After college I moved from Colorado to DC to be with my now fiance and she stayed in Colorado. Knowing that friendship fades with distance we make a point to vacation with one another every year. While vacationing together last year, she told me that she was sick of the corporate grind and was going to quit her job in February to backpack around Asia and Europe for five months. I thought it was a little silly to quit her job in this economy but I wished her the best and asked her to email when she could. Then I got engaged in December.

I'm not a particularly needy bride, so knowing that she was going to be traveling for five months I still asked her to be my maid of honor for my October wedding. I figured that she would be back in the states by July and could start planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party then. A few months ago my future mother-in-law approached me about hosting a shower and my MOH thought it would be better if she hosted it because she wasn't familiar with my fiance's family and the city. I was ok with the decision and just asked my MOH to help with the planning (e.g. no silly games, no ribbon bouquet).

The shower is planned for early-July and my MOH is flying into DC from Paris (the last leg of her five month trip) then flying home to Colorado after the shower. Again, I was ok with this and assumed that she would come in a few days before the shower and leave a few days later so that we would have time to catch up and talk about her travels and the weddings plans.

Well it recently came to my attention that she's flying into DC the afternoon before my shower and leaving at 7 AM the morning after. Essentially she's going to be in DC for 36 hours. Jet lagged. With five months worth of laundry. Then, one of my bridesmaids let it slip that they're planning my bachelorette party for the night of the bridal shower.

After I found out about the plans I offered my MOH my frequent flyer miles (enough to purchase a roundtrip plane ticket) so that she could come back to DC and plan my bachelorette party for later in the summer (like closer to my actual wedding date). She declined and said that she didn't mind pulling an all-nighter. I pointed out that I would rather her enjoy my bachelorette party and that I didn't feel like the timing was right. Again, she declined.

I'm really at my wit's end. I didn't ask my MOH for much but I did ask her to plan a kick-ass bachelorette party. I feel like she doesn't give a crap about my bridal shower/bachelorette party, and now I don't want her to plan my bachelorette party if she can't take the time to do it right. What do you think? Am I being oversensitive?

- PO'd in DC