tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24904411414530353152024-03-05T18:28:21.014-08:00my maid of honor is a cuntesbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-12272282359293519282014-07-02T17:56:00.000-07:002014-07-02T17:56:14.234-07:00My bridesmaid is a selfish money-grubbing bitchmonster<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm so glad I found this website. It's nice to know there are other horrible people out there too.</span><br />
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<br />So I'm getting married in a month. I just got back from my bachelorette party, which we had in Las Vegas, because my MOH lives there and we thought since she'd be flying in for the wedding, it was only fair that we fly out for the party (also...it's Vegas). The bridesmaid of issue was initially completely pro Vegas bachelorette party. She wanted to make sure we didn't spend more that $1000, which was fine because we weren't going to get anywhere near that, so all was well. A few months passed and it started getting close to time to plan this thing, at which point she finally dropped the fact that she had planned a vacation to Germany for herself for the month leading up to my wedding (wedding is on the 20th, she gets back from Germany on the 17th...wtf???). So, we adjust and decide to schedule the thing well in advance, she gives us the dates that work for her, and I schedule everything and start looking for flights. Point of clarity - my other two bridesmaids were incredibly busy and incapable of helping me plan this party, I don't really hold it against them since one was deployed to a warzone and the other had just started a professorship in a foreign country at the beginning of the year.<br /><br />So I go to book the flights and hotel, get the ok from badbridesmaid on the cost, and ask that she pay me back the next time we see each other. When that finally happens, she haggles with me on the price, and gets mad at me that I'm asking her to pay for the full cost of her plane ticket instead of just the cost before taxes and fees. In hindsight, this should have been a red flag, but I just figured she was stressed. After all, she had, a week earlier, bitched me out for not being able to come in to work on a project with her (we work in the same graduate lab) because I threw my back out the night before literally carrying a dude I found on the street having a seizure to my car to get him to the emergency room. She's not usually unreasonable - it must have just been a mood.<br /><br />Fast forward to the actual party. She starts planning what she wants to do before we leave. Not what the group should do - she ignored those emails - but her plans for gambling and seeing Britney Spears. She complains that I didn't check us in early enough to get seats together. She complains that, once we land, I won't let her gamble at the penny slots in the airport terminal because my other bridesmaids are waiting outside to pick us up. She complains that we have to drop our stuff off at the room instead of immediately getting dinner because she's hungry. She complains about the cost of food so much that my sister pays for the entire meal and drinks just to shut her up. She complains that we aren't going to a club that night, since we've got VIP passes to hit the clubs the next night. She complains that, at <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_432023136" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">4 am</span></span>, we all want to go the fuck to bed instead of "going out" and bitches me out for asking her to watch Orange is the New Black on her Kindle in the living room of the suite instead of in the bed we're sharing because it will keep me up and I want to sleep. She freaks the fuck out and screams at me for touching her pillow because now my hand germs are on her pillow and I'm so disgusting that she can't sleep on that pillow anymore and needs a new one. She waits until we turn the lights off then immediately gets in bed and watches her fucking kindle anyway, insisting that it's not bugging me when I'm telling her that it is. I eventually give up, grab my pillows and the blanket and go to sleep on the couch. She complains that I took the blanket.<br /><br />This basically goes on for all of day two as well. She never paid for anything for herself if it cost more that $5 - she'd just bitch about it until someone else felt uncomfortable enough about it to offer to cover it for her. We all decided to take one of those old-timey photos together at one point, and once we were all in costume and the photos were taken and it came time to print them, she announced that she didn't want one. The woman in the shop explained that the cost was for each person in the photo, and she had given us a group deal for four people, but still, no. I had planned to pay for the photos myself as an early bridesmaid gift to remember the trip by, and even when I explained this, paid for them, and offered her a photo, she refused, saying she didn't like it or want it.<br /><br />Eventually she bought her own dinner - we planned to split the tab four ways, but she insisted that she pay cash for the exact value of her meal (not including tax or tip) and that we split the rest (including tax, tip, and her multiple drinks). When the waiter explained he couldn't divide the bill like that she freaked the fuck out again and griped and pouted about it for the rest of the night. She also bitched about the cost of her drink at the club we paid for her to get into, and constantly tried to pull me away from my other BMs so I would only dance with her. It was nothing but a constant stream of "I want", "I don't want," and "I can't believe I had to pay for this." Then she started taking drinks from a group of strange men because she didn't want to pay for her own, but wanted to be drunk. I pulled her away from them and explained that it wasn't safe for her to do that (she works at a university, she should know better) and the second I let go of her, she went right back to them and took another drink they had sitting on their table ready for her. I got my sister to drag her away from them again. Of course about five minutes later she was screaming to the world about how happy she was and how she wanted to go to another club, and 10 minutes later she was feeling super drunk and tired. We had to carry her back to the room while she was going on about how she couldn't understand how she was so drunk from a few sips of a rum and coke (yup...she got herself roofied). It basically went on like this for all of the last day as well.<br /><br />The real kicker came when we arrived back home. I was driving us back to the town we live in, and she was going on and on about Germany, and eventually started talking about how glad she was that everything in Vegas was covered for her because she needed a fresh gel french manicure and planned to use all the money she saved to buy presents for herself while she was abroad (I got a 15 minute long explanation for why she only ever buys things for herself when she travels). I guess the last straw for me was when I pulled into a gas station and she asked if she could give me some money to help cover gas. I said "sure, that'd be great," and immediately her response was, "Oh...do I have to? That's going to cut into my winnings from the slots." She went on to ask if I was going to fill the tank up and how much gas I thought I would need to get back home. In the end she gave me $10. It was the only thing she even partially covered for me on the entire trip.<br /><br />I'm currently working on figuring out how to tell her that she's no longer welcome at my wedding, or for that matter in my life. She completely took advantage of me and my bridesmaids, and did everything she could to ruin this trip for everyone but herself. More than anything I feel guilty for basically letting my best friend and sister get conned into paying for her shit. I know you're supposed to "fire" a bridesmaid in person, but I honestly don't think I can be in the same room as this girl without smacking her. Part of me is also feeling really guilty for caring about money at all - I usually don't hold stuff like this against people if it's just one incident. But this honestly feels like a situation where I've been completely taken advantage of, and I'm fucking mad about it. How does one completely burn a bridge with a person you thought was a good friend only days before? Is it cool if I wait to email her until the night before she leaves the country? I'm afraid she'll egg my house or key my car (she threatened both after the pillow touching incident). Is your bridesmaid making you want to purchase a home surveillance and security system finally enough reason to cut ties?<br /><br />Sincerely<br />What happens in Vegas gets you a smack in the face when you get home you stupid ho.</div>
esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-13189233471740580212014-05-07T11:16:00.000-07:002014-07-04T12:41:43.807-07:00My Maid of Honor is a Cunt<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I really have no other word for her, besides perhaps "bitch" and "ohhellnodonotwant," which isn't really recognized by the OED.</span><br />
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I'm a maid in my friend's wedding. I was maid of honor, and sharing the title with the Matron of Honor. I stepped down after finally meeting her (we didn't meet until after the engagement) and feeling legitimately concerned that she was going to shank me.</div>
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This woman, in addition to being whiny, passive-aggressive, and nasty, is a terrible friend to the bride. She borrowed several thousand dollars from the bride for her own wedding, and instead of paying her back, took the money she had saved and spent it on drugs. The groom doesn't like the MoH, and for the reasons mentioned above did not want to allow her in the wedding at all. However, the bride insisted. The psychological hold this woman has on my friend is a little terrifying.</div>
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Recently, Crazyface McGee and I "collaborated" on the shower, and by collaborated I mean that the bride came up with a theme, told it to both of us, and the MoH changed everything, while I continued with the original theme as dictated by the bride. I handled the food and the venue, and the MoH handled everything else.</div>
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It was a nightmare. People were nice, and the bride was thrilled with the food and venue (Crazyface sneered at it and said that it was "fine, I guess,") but I wound up spending the evening sobbing because of how nastily I was treated by Crazyface and one of the other maids, Shenanigans McClardey (who is friends with Crazyface) and some of Crazyface's other friends, one of whom I came incredibly close to kicking out. Shenanigans and Bitchy Tight-Wearing Anorexic Friend bitched at me for putting away the food too early (it had been out for 2 hours), then decided to sit in the middle of the venue and play a card game during clean-up instead of, you know, helping. I will give Crazyface the fact that she did help clean, although since she appears to be anal expulsive and had made a mess of one of the venue's back rooms, I would have punched her in the face if she had sat down to play the game instead of cleaning up her own damn mess.</div>
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Everyone who was at the shower who I know has privately asked me what is up with Crazyface, because she is clearly batshit insane.</div>
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I've already bailed on the bachelorette weekend (Crazyface scheduled it for a weekend that I absolutely cannot get away, but has "subtly" implied over Facebook that I am a terrible friend for not completely arranging multiple personal and professional obligations to share a hotel room with her and Shenanigans, and try not to kill them both because it would make the bride sad). As of right now, I only have the rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself to get through, and I plan to have only the minimum interaction with them.</div>
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I pray no one dies.</div>
esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-73368481300206305952014-03-24T09:58:00.000-07:002014-03-24T09:58:04.286-07:00Bridesmaid BS in Ruby Woo<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Hey ESB,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm looking for some advice - and just a bit of rant time let's be honest - about my sister bridesmaid.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So I'm getting married in about 6 weeks, but I've been planning for about a year now.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I asked my little sister to be my only bridesmaid... The reasoning of which eludes me now but I think it was just that it would be a nice, sisterly thing to do. No other bridesmaid but her - I'm not into the giant pack of women in matching dresses thing.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So my sister is the baby of the family and has always been a bit spoilt. She's about 7 years younger than me and the only other girl in my family. We weren't super friendly as teenagers - she has a wicked temper and we would have screaming matches about dumb things. But we've started getting on pretty well since she became an adult -- she sort of settled down and became more normal. We even went on a trip together.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">My sister is wedding crazy - she has Pinterest boards, she loves decorating. I could see her as a wedding planner. But it also means that I think she's getting a bit carried away.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So far, I've been shopping with her and bought the dress she chose for herself. Not the colour or length I had in mind but it's her dress and I want her to be happy. She likes to self-tan while I'm a pale girl - I've always felt she looks too dark but I hold my tongue. She feels free to tell me that my flowers are crap (I'm arranging the flowers myself and posting trial run pics on Instagram); I'm hurt but I keep it to myself. She turns her nose up at our casual planned reception in a local country hall but I forge on (and hire some waiters). She wants us both to wear a flower crowns -- kind of not my style but it might look nice and she's excited, so what the hell?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">But now, icing on the cake now, she's at me to hire a professional make-up artist for the wedding. No, I say. That's not my style. I want my make-up natural and I'm doing it myself. I'd like you to do it with me too, I say. We'll help each other.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So shit hits the fan. (Did I bring this on myself by being too accommodating previously??).</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">We have a massive argument that involves me being a selfish bitch because I know how much she likes make-up and she really wants to look perfect for the photos. Arguments about how I'm not a proper bride because proper brides get their hair and make-up done by professionals. She literally says "I know it's your day but I don't care! I want to look good for the photos so I'm deciding what I do!"</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Anyhow, where to from here ESB? Dropping her as BM has been mooted but I think that would damage our relationship irrevocably. I'm loathe to give in to her though. I ask for one thing! We always look weird enough together because she's super tanned and I'm not - add her wearing full make-up and me looking plain.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Or do I keep the peace, let her go to the make-up artist on her own?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Ok give it to me straight...</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Sincerely,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Not a proper bride.</span>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-7543741871141027812014-03-12T20:14:00.000-07:002014-03-12T20:14:55.122-07:00This bride is a mother f@cking C$nt!<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This is a long story going back on over a decade of "friendship", so i'll try to summarize. </span><br />
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"Ally" and I have been friends since we were about 10, we are now 25. She has always been super controlling and, for lack of a better term, psycho when it comes to relationships of any kind. We are complete opposites, she is super type A I am laid back, she always has a lot of people around her "friends" if you will, but they are in a constantly revolving door. So much so that i can never keep straight who she is talking to and who she isn't. I have 3 really close friends (not counting ally) and my sisters and thats it. I do not need or want anymore. For every event in her life, the world comes to a halt, because she is the only person who has ever had a birthday or graduated from school. I indulged in this for years because I cared about her and our friendship and assumed the same of her. When I got pregnant 5 years ago at the young age of 20 is when I started to see some disturbing things. She got super pissed at me for not coming to her 21st birthday 2 hours away while I was 8 months pregnant! After I had my son I didn't answer her phone calls for like a week, I was tired and when i had time to talk i chose to sleep. Well i was bombarded by texts about how selfish i was for not answering. since then I have wanted to end our friendship, but the length of it and how close i am to her family as prevented me. </div>
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that was 4 years ago and she still has not attempted to understand that my life has changed and her life is not on my list of priorities. </div>
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She was a BM in my wedding last March and being the way that I am i pretty much did everything myself because I don't like to impose on people. She had very little to do aside from getting a dress, which I let the bms all choose on their own as long as they were in the blush or champagne family. And attend a shower which I said to everyone if they couldn't make it was no big deal. </div>
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She got engaged right before my wedding and she is getting married in November, in central america. I'm MOH, i don't even like her anymore. Like i don't want to be her friend. When she told me when/where it was I said "that's so great! just to let you know though, we are going to start trying for a baby early next year so I want you to know there is a possibility I will not be able to attend." She flipped her shit!!!! anyways i havent talked about that since,and the trying has begun so I might have an easy out anyways. But in the interim I am being harrassed by daily e-mails phone calls and texts about every f-ing detail. if i dont answer she goes crazy and berates me. She is having a three day bachelorette party 6 hours away, she wants us all in central america for a WEEK of wedding celebration! WTF is she smoking?! also on her wedding website there are lovely tidbits like "no excuses, there is plenty of time to save and plan for the wedding.." </div>
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How do I break up with a friend of 15 years? The wedding itself may be moot point anyways because of the impending pregnancy, but holy shit she is a nutcase and being a bride has made her even more unbearable. </div>
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sincerely,</div>
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MOH who doesn't give a flying f$ck about the wedding or the bride</div>
esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-30223876986667273202013-04-08T10:20:00.000-07:002013-11-12T20:17:09.002-08:00Crazy MOH sister<div>
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Hi,<br />
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So I wrote in before about <a href="http://www.eastsidebride.com/2013/01/seeking-valentino-heels-for-gazillionth.html">these Valentino shoes</a>. But I come to you with an altogether different conundrum today. I recently read that you were looking for some cunty MOH. Well, I think I might be able to help with that. <br />
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My FH and I wanted a no mess, no fuss kinda wedding which I am pulling off pretty well so far. We agreed to only have one best 'person' each, he asked his best friend and I asked my sister. Now my sister and I are not particularly close, but I thought we got each other. Plus she is super organized and would be perfect for on the day when I needed stuff to get done without having to ask for it to be done. <br />
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That is until recently when she has been going through a bit of a change in boyfriends, a lot of work pressure and my parents are having a difficult time in their marriage and it's taking its toll on her. We have never had the same taste; she likes flying ponies, champagne towers, glitzy dresses and all about making a statement. I like simple and timeless. So since it is my wedding I thought that she would be supportive with what I wanted. I guess I thought wrong. <br />
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When I asked her to be my MOH she was super happy. Then when I was discussing dates with her and my parents I mentioned two dates and her response was, 'None of those dates have any specific meaning to you, they are just numbers. So just pick one.' So that is what I did. I found her response to be unhelpful, but whatever. <br />
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The one thing my sister and I have always bonded over is food - we love to cook. So when I called her to come over to my place to have dinner and discuss what we could be eating at the wedding I thought it would be a great collaboration. Everything that I mentioned she turned her nose up at and had a different idea. It was very much like, 'Yeah, that sounds nice but what you should actually do is...' and every idea would be an elaborate scheme of how to make simple, delicious food into something that crazysauce would have given birth to. (Salad dressing in glass droppers hanging from the ceiling above the tables!!!??) Anyway, my general response was, 'Hmmm, yeah we could do it like that.' I then made my appointment with the caterers on a weekday (maybe on purpose), she was working, and so I went with another friend of mine and am getting what I want. <br />
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The next incident happened when I showed her a picture of my dress. She wasn't able to come with when I went to look for it. I had a friend with a contact in vintage dresses she stipulated the day she could open her store for me and I went in and immediately found my dress and paid for it a week later. So when I showed her the picture I thought she would be excited. She looked at it and said, 'Oh. It's not what I imagined it would be.' So I asked her what she thought it would look like and she said, 'I dunno. Just different. It's just a dress.' To which I replied that that is exactly what I wanted, just a dress and the reason I bought it was what made it special. But the way she said it really hurt and by now, I would actually have like some support from her. <br />
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The final straw that go me writing into you was when we started discussing what she would wear. I ordered this dress off eBay which fit her perfectly but she didn't like the length, the colour or the bottom half of the dress. <br />
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Fine. I can always wear it another time, I did order it for me. But then I sent her a couple pictures of dresses and asked her if she could pick a colour to wear what would it be? (This is bearing in mind that I am wearing a slighty pinkish all lace long dress). She responded with this (1) and this (2) and this (3). And also called me at 7am this morning, a Sunday, twice to tell me that she had found a dress! (Her favourite is number 1.) <br />
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Now what I guess I am asking is, should I just continue ignoring her craziness and just make sure I get what I want, or should I actually say something to her? And perhaps even ask my best friend to step in as a bridesmaid to help 'control' my sister? I am just afraid of what she is going to do for my bridal shower - I have already suggested that she work with my best friend, but she said to me, 'If I need help I will ask for it.'<br />
<br />
From, <br />
Simple Sisteresbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-53083482482042418522012-10-31T13:43:00.001-07:002012-10-31T13:43:46.799-07:00Well looky there! Is that a backbone?<br />
I have been kicked out of 2 weddings. But I swear, I'm nice!<br />
<br />
Just to give you some perspective, I just turned 22, have been a bridesmaid 4 times, and have been to over 50 weddings in the last 3 years.<br />
Yes, my friends do need hobbies.<br />
<br />
I am writing because 1. your blog is like finding water in the desert. Seriously. Every bride, MIL, MOB, and bridesmaid needs to read ESB, because my guess is, it would smack some sense and humility into a few of them. Or at least that's what I would hope would happen. 2. I figured if I could help some poor girl in the future with my horrible wedding experiences, they might have been worth it. One of my biggest pieces of wedding advice to ladies is this: IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO SAY NO TO BEING A BRIDESMAID.<br />
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Trust me, it may seem awkward or you may be afraid to have that confrontation. If any of you are like me, you just want people to be happy and leave you alone.<br />
But, in many cases, it may actually SAVE your friendship if you say no. Why? Oh, maybe perhaps because most brides I know all said "I am going to be the most laid-back bride you've ever seen. You will love being my bridesmaid." And then 3 months and $1500 later, you are ready to blow your brains out because they are demanding you lose weight, throw them 5 showers, spend another $2k on Vegas, and telling you how much your school and work life is cutting into HER wedding schedule. Well pardon me for having a life, lady. You will start to resent the way your "friend/bridezilla" is treating you and take it from me, she will pick up on that. Especially if she's crazy. However, sometimes no longer speaking to people after getting kicked out of their wedding is a good thing. Which leads me to my second point:<br />
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It is also perfectly acceptable to cut horrible friends out of your life. And if you are unsure about any of your friends, trust me, their wedding will flush out their true colors. My mom likes to say weddings are like life trials: they bring out either the best or worst in people. The two weddings I was kicked out of were miserable, because the brides are terrible, selfish people. No thank you, I do not feel like choosing between 100,000 emerald earrings, only to have you hate the ones I picked, and then change the earrings all together. I spent so much time, money, and energy trying to "be there for them" for every little meltdown, buy cute presents, spent hundreds of hours crafting my stupid life away on ugly zebra print Save The Dates. If your friends or family are needy, clingy, rude people, their wedding will only magnify that. Getting kicked out of both weddings were some of the greatest days of my life because it forced me to see how I allowed people to use and treat me. (If anyone is wondering why I got kicked out: Wedding #1: because I finally stood up to the bride and told her to stop gossiping about me to her family and other bridesmaids and to treat me with respect. She promptly kicked me out and I walked away happier than I had been in a year. Wedding #2: This bride felt I didn't "care" enough because I lived halfway across the country. She had her dad call my mom to tell me I was out. Yeah, I know. Also: I told both brides I expected them to refund the money I had spent on shoes, dress, etc. They both refused, despite the fact that I spent nearly $2k on each wedding).<br />
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I have only enjoy 2 of the weddings I have been in (I guess 50% isn't bad. Or does that mean I'm failing at being a bridesmaid? That's definitely possible). I absolutely loved my best friend's wedding as well as my brother's (because his fiance is freaking amazing and one of my closest friends). The reasons these weddings were so fun: 1. The brides are laid-back, kindhearted, self-less people. 2. Their taste rocks. 3. They actually picked dresses I have worn again (but then again, see #2).<br />
My point: pick awesome friends, grow a backbone, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.<br />
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Lastly, and I can't imagine anyone who reads your blog would be guilty of this, but hey, you never know! For heavens sake, please do NOT ask to be a bridesmaid, especially if your friend isn't even DATING anyone yet. I literally had a friend cry when she asked to be my future MOH (I am very much single by the way) and I awkwardly told her that job would be going to my insanely awesome sister. Lastly, don't get offended if your friend puts you "last" in the row of bridesmaids during the ceremony. It's not a freaking competition. She asked you to stand up there with her, out of the hundreds of people she knows. Be honored and happy for her and stop comparing yourself to the other girls.<br />
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Mkay, rant over,<br />
Used To Want To Be A Wedding Planner<br />
esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-90609239738529590902012-08-21T13:48:00.000-07:002012-08-21T13:48:48.258-07:008 weeks to wedding - matrons of honor fighting over dresses<br />
Dear ESB:<br />
<br />
A little background. Several weeks ago one of my oldest and dearest friends took her own life. I have been dealing with the grief as well as the memory of having been the person who went to her house to be with her mother while the coroner came. My fiance has been a constant source of support. <br />
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In light of the tragedy as well as having lost another good friend in the past year, my fiance looked at me and said, "Life is too short to spend a year planning the the perfect party. I want to marry you right away." We quickly found a venue available eight weeks from now, cleared the date with our family and closest friends and made some fast decisions. All has been going well until I spoke with my sister and best friend, both of whom I hoped would stand up with me, about what they should wear.<br />
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I thought I was being laid back by telling them there is no time to worry about traditional bridesmaid attire. I let them know that what is important to me is that they are there by my side, and feel comfortable and beautiful in whatever they select. Since both ladies are infinitely more fashionable than I am, I didn't think it was my place to tell them what to wear. They both are familiar with the venue, know what my dress looks like and attend formal events on a regular basis. Wrongly. I assumed they would be thrilled for the chance to either shop for something new and fabulous without any restrictions, or wear something beautiful and appropriate that they already own. I offered to go shopping with them either as a group or each individually if they would like. `<br />
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Since I discussed this with them there has been nothing but drama. Both are very concerned that the other is going to select something that will be "better or more sexy" than their selection. I tried providing guidelines, based on their input, I even suggested that both just wear black to keep it simple. This escalated to more infighting and no one willing to even discuss what they might wear because they want to wait until the other one selects something. I finally asked if it would be easier if I just picked a dress off the rack for both of them. This was met by looks of horror and the exclamation of one with "You know Matron 1 is a completely different body type than me." and "That just won't work. I am not a cookie-cutter person." from the other.<br />
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How do I handle this? Do I give them each other's phone numbers and tell them to hash it out? I was in both of their weddings and wore the dresses they selected for their bridesmaids without complaint. There is so much bad blood about something so trivial that I fear that the real reason My fiance and I are getting married is being eclipsed by this diva war.<br />
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Any advice would be very welcome. <br />
<br />
Thank youesbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-44042963305615152312012-07-18T12:51:00.001-07:002012-07-18T12:51:24.576-07:00Still Secretly Updating My Playlist<br />
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Dear ESB,</div>
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My MOH is my best friend and generally pretty awesome. She is also FH’s cousin and currently planning her own wedding to FH’s friend. She got engaged a week before me (the fellas unknowingly bought rings on the same day) and set their date a few days later. FH and I had a harder time setting our date. We’d always envisioned fall, but have siblings getting married this year and next, and our other siblings couldn’t afford to fly across the country twice within a few months. Outdoor wedding was a must, so we chose next summer, six weeks before MOH’s wedding. She wasn’t happy but seemed to get over it, and our weddings are turning out to be quite different. Hers is a sit-down dinner at a beautiful but expensive country club. Ours is a (hopefully) relaxed and cheap beach ceremony followed by a party in my parents’ backyard nearby. A friend’s cousin will be doing our buffet-style catering. His wife is a DJ and offers discounts to people who book both of them. Sounds obvious that we should hire her, right? Nope. MOH was the one who first talked about this DJ, and then declared that we can’t have the same one because our weddings will be too similar and will have the same music. I thought all wedding DJs played basically the same music? The standards with some requests thrown in? Anyway, I never even wanted a DJ in the first place. After I got engaged, I started happily creating a playlist of my favorite love and dance songs peppered with the weird crap I like. But FH really wants a DJ and MOH convinced me that I should compromise. I agreed, and he said he would take care of the pricing, contract, etc. Then MOH called dibs on this DJ. FH thinks it’s ridiculous and plans on pursuing her anyway. A part of me feels like I should just let the two of them work it out. They’re family after all. But I love them both dearly and don’t want this to cause a fight, especially over something that is so low on my list of things to give a shit about. Any advice would be appreciated.</div>
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Sincerely,</div>
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Still Secretly Updating My Playlist</div>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-76643562871556280252012-04-26T16:33:00.000-07:002012-04-26T16:33:56.481-07:00Bridesmaid to Bridesmaid<br />
Hey eastsidebride,<br />
<br />
I'm 1 year married, and have been reading your blog forever. Love everything about it, keep it up!<br />
<br />
So my sister in law is getting married in about 6 weeks, and has (obviously) been pretty stressed with last minute planning. To top it off, the caterer she had scheduled just fell through, and she's in a tailspin trying to find another one who's available on such short notice (total bummer)! Anywho, she has 6 bridesmaids who are all individually close friends of hers. One of them is kind of needy from what I can tell and is always texting her about her boy drama and "needs her." Well, my sister in law is the best and wants to be there for her Bridesmaid and help her with her problems of course, but it is SUPER stressing her out! We have talked about it a few times, and I can just feel the stress radiating from her body. She does not have time to deal with her trivial made-up drama, when she has actual drama to take care of, you know... a wedding to plan. I am not friends with this Bridesmaid, but I feel like I should interject and make her realize just how uncalled for this is right about now. I want to email her and tell her to back off! Nicely pointed out, of course, maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing. Is that totally rude, or is it something I should do in order to help the Bride out? Sister in law will definitely not lay it out for her. She is toooo sweet. Help!<br />
<br />
happily-done-with-stressful-wedding-planning, but know-how-it-feels, bridesmaid<br />esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-65582868839886670442012-01-29T18:19:00.000-08:002012-01-29T18:19:07.314-08:00WTF?<br />
I told my 'maids to pick a gray dress. <a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/donna-ricco-one-shoulder-chiffon-dress-with-sequin-trim/3188308?origin=category&fb_source=message#BVRRWidgetID">This</a> is what my sister ordered.<br />
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I really didn't think I had to specify that the gray shouldn't be so light it photographs as white. And yes, she's sent me pictures. It looks pretty light in person.<br />
WTF?<br />
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<br /></div>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-41388159973942261932012-01-24T15:34:00.000-08:002012-01-24T15:34:43.962-08:00Bridal Party BS!!<br />
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Dear ESB,<u></u><u></u></div>
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I know they say weddings bring the worst out in people and two of my friends recently got married so I’ve heard them sound off, but I honestly didn’t think it was as true as it is. First of all my mother had serious health problems last February and I had gotten engaged that previous fall. My maid of honor and cousin didn’t talk to me for six months during the time just after my mother fell ill and during the beginning of my wedding planning. I emailed, called…nothing. So I had to go pick out my dress without my mom or my MOH, all my bridesmaids but one were out of state, so thankfully my wonderful coworkers and one bridesmaid came with me and it was wonderful, but it’s like really? Then when I finally did hear from her, she proceeds to sob at the bar about how she is single, and going to turn into an old maid and I’m consoling her telling her it’s going to be fine, she just needs to be positive etc. So after all that she pulled it together, it was a wonderful shower that she planned, but she did forget to invite my godmother who is now mad at me and she blew off my bachelorette party and told me the week before.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Next there is my bridesmaid who said she planned a “girl’s night” after my shower for me, which consisted of all her friends and her sister’s friends?!? She got into a fight with her sister and bff during my bachelorette party and didn’t talk to me the whole time, and she got married two years ago and they didn’t take a honeymoon and so she lets me know that they have planned it during the same week I am taking mine, in Mexico where we are going and are asking my fiancé and I if we want to go on excursion together while we are there…how bout NO, it’s my honeymoon!<u></u><u></u></div>
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My future sister-in-law just got divorced, which fine, that sucks, but I didn’t want her in my wedding party to begin with because she is a flake, not dependable and ends up pissing off my fiancé and his dad. But she got crammed down my throat by the in-laws so I included her at the expense of my other sister-in-law who I actually wanted to ask to be in the wedding. Then guess what, about 3 months before the wedding she tells me she can’t be in it. Awesome! Her flowers and gift are already purchased and because we asked her, we had to also ask my three brothers to be in my fiancée’s wedding party to be fair, so the wedding party is now massive and Rob couldn’t even ask a few of his good friends because of the dynamic. Now I will say my other bridesmaids have been awesome, and I am SO GRATEFUL to have them!!!<u></u><u></u></div>
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But let’s talk about the boys now. Best man DID NOTHING, I mean nothing, he screwed up the bachelor party and didn’t plan anything and it was almost canceled until my brother took over and planned the whole thing, and he sees nothing wrong with this.<u></u><u></u></div>
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One of the groomsmen ditched out on our Jack and Jill to go to his high school reunion, another “can’t make it to the wedding rehearsal,” but don’t worry he’s taking the Monday after the wedding off so they can enjoy a min-vacation.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Finally our wedding website caused controversy believe it or not! We have a page like most do that list the wedding party, I have them in order with how the procession will go. I had to take my future sister-in-law off because she’s out, so the last entry was my fiancée’s childhood best friend, I included descriptions and tried to list some accomplishments etc. well my fiancée’s childhood friend was unemployed at the time I created this, so I talked about him being a sports enthusiast, his beautiful wife, how he is sweet and funny…apparently his father-in-law disapproved of them coming to the wedding because he thinks they need to save money. Instead of staying this to him, he tells him that clearly from the description we must think he is stupid because we listed everyone else’s jobs and schooling but not his and we put him dead last, and said why are you going to a wedding for people you barely know…my fiancé was his best man! And instead of the childhood bestie and his wife defending us, and oh wait, my fiancé’s parents are paying for their plane tickets, we have never been anything but nice, we drove six hours to be at their wedding and paid for the hotel, attire etc… they felt the need to call us and confront us about it.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Well here is what I say to all this nonsense! I get it, this is more important to us then it is to others, but seriously we are so laid back, with barely any expectations, we haven’t asked anyone for anything we either wouldn’t do for them or haven’t already done. And we have forgiven all this nonsense and take the high road, but the website garbage was the last straw. We are in our late twenties, seriously people, you can’t pull your heads out of your asses for your friends who are asking the bare minimum of you! Well I guess now we know who are real friends are an who we can depend on and who we can’t. And it’s going to make things a lot simpler now! Gone are the days of me feeling obligated, or overly generous for these folks! And for every wedding I go to from here on out, I vow not to be an ass and put myself before the couple!!!<u></u><u></u></div>
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Sincerely,<u></u><u></u></div>
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OVER IT!!!</div>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-22436232385541777192012-01-18T12:58:00.000-08:002012-01-18T12:58:56.310-08:00I have Bridesmaidzillas<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dear ESB,</span><br />
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I never thought I would have "issues" with my wedding planning, but obviously I was wrong. Here is the Dilemma, two of my bridesmaids want to rip each others hair out. We all used to be close friends, but about two years ago me and lets just say "Suzy" had a falling out. Because me and Suzy were no longer friends, but me and "Kelly" were still friends, Suzy didn't want to be friends with Kelly either and Kelly took offense to that, and now thinks Suzy is a godforsaken bitch for shutting her out of her life. Anyways, to make a long story short, last year me and Suzy rekindled our friendship, but Kelly doesn't approve of it. She thinks Suzy owes her and apology for not staying friends with her, and Suzy things Kelly is immature and needs to grow up. Its obvious this whole situation is stupid and immature, as far as I am concerned they both need grow up! This puts me in a awkward place because I CANT have this kind of drama at my wedding, or during the planning. I just want them to all get along so that we can have fun parties and not sabotage each other. This is all getting so complicated I am starting to feel like neither of them really care about me or my wedding because they are being so SELFISH. In their own ways both of them have told me without actually saying it that they think I should just pick "her", but both of them are my friends, I cant choose one or the other. This puts so much pressure on me, and is starting to ruin the good chi of my wedding.</div>
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Please, please give me some non biased advice on what to do! </div>
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Thanks,</div>
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Bridesmaidzillas</div>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-4517510261964274152011-12-30T10:26:00.000-08:002011-12-30T10:26:16.730-08:00Am I allowed to demote my MOH?<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Hi, hello, how are ya. My wedding is in May. My MOH is sick (had to move in with her parents for care, walking and dancing at a minimum). My MOH also recently got engaged to someone she was dating for 3 months and totally forgot that I'm getting married (a year before her) (to my love-of-my-life-of-8-years) and oh yeah, she's agreed to be my MOH. Anytime I talk wedding, it's immediately turned to her - her sickness or her wedding. All of her other friends have given up on her, and she consistently tells me how grateful she is that I'm there for her. But, like, she can't do shit for my wedding. She didn't even know what weekend I said (1000 times) worked for my shower/bach party (lotta out of town girls) and it's MY BIRTHDAY. I'm just thinking, ok, you're dealing with a lot. But at least pretend to care about me. </span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I asked her because I didn't want to burden my little sister who is young and broke, and my friend seemed really enthused to be a part of the wedding. I feel like the only reason she said yes was to be like "look at what a great friend I am!!!" But if she's going to suck so bad, I'd rather have my sister standing next to me. I'm going to spend holidays with my sister forever, she'll be the aunt to my future babies, etc (I KNOW I should have just picked her, but I wanted stress at a minimum, and like I said, I didn't want to burden my sister.)</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">She also compares/competes now - telling me how much her ring cost, telling me how much her florist is, etc. and then asking me about mine. She is also stealing just about every idea I have and then executing it more and better and grander. She has a bit of a Kim Kardashian attitude where she brags about things she didn't exactly accomplish. When I confronted her about how much all this bothered me, she said "I thought that being engaged together was something fun we could do together!!" and then basically stopped talking to me (including getting back to me on real wedding plans like - do you want your hair did bc I'm making appointments). 1. I'm going through this engagement with my FH, not a girlfriend, and 2. What the what?!</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">She's been out of commish from the real world for about a year and a half now; she does not do normal human people tasks like working, doing laundry, etc. Her mom does all that. I know that with her illness and her life situation, I am not a priority, and I'd really just like to demote her to regular bridesmaid and promote my sister. Is this crazy talk? I feel like this way, she can focus her herself and I can actually have a nice shower/wedding/etc without worrying if my MOH is neglecting me or trying to one-up. She won't take this news well, but at this point, am I totally evil if I don't care?</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">On top of all this, my FIL is sick, money is tight (we're paying for the wedding, but out parents keep adding expenses that we Have To Have.... do we get a honeymoon, I dunno), and I started working a high-stress job. I feel like I need to remove any excess stress. </span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">-Homegirl is making me turn into a Bridezilla, gross</span>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-26472779595009300492011-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:002011-12-16T09:05:44.936-08:00My Sister Won't Come to My Wedding<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dear ESB;</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br />
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My sister and I have had a strained long distance relationship for many years. I moved to a city 20 hours away from my home town to attend university, and have been living here ever since. I come from a hugely dysfunctional family and since moving away I have made many wonderful friends and met my amazing fiancee. I don't have a lot of contact with my family but I love them and miss them and want them to be a part of my wedding.</div>
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My fiancee asked me to marry him more than three years ago and we did not start to plan the wedding until recently. At the time my fiancee first asked me, I told my sister that she could be the MOH. I figured that even though we are not close and she has never been my biggest cheerleader, it was the thing to do. When I began planning the wedding my sister didn't really want to discuss it (I feel that she is probably very jealous) and it became increasingly difficult to feel good about the event with no support system near by or over the phone. She was so negative and nonsupporting of any of the choices I was making, and acting almost as if I was obligated to cater to her opinions and not my own.</div>
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I had no idea how hard it would be to plan a wedding without my family close to me. Going to dress shops alone and seeing the pity on the salespeople's faces when I said, no, my mother will not be by to see the dress. My FI and I decided fairly early on that we were not going to have a traditional wedding party, as I hate the matching dresses stuff and we didn't want to single any friend or family member out as being more important to us than another. We decided that it would just be a MOH and a BM, as we needed them to sign the paperwork. Throughout the preliminary planning stages my best friend stepped up to do all the bitch work with me with a positive attitude, enthousiasm and support. I decided that I wanted her to be the MOH because she is physically and emotionally here for me, and she is so excited. This decision was not a slight at my sister, but the best choice for me and my wedding. After all, there is no MOH internship, and I can't expect my friend to do all the work without giving her the honour.</div>
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My sister lost it when I told her. I do accept that I let her down and that I hurt her, and I truly feel bad about that. Just because we chose not to have a wedding party does not mean that I did not include my sister in the ceremony, and always intended to do so. She, along with my brother and my fiancee's two brothers were asked to carry the chuppah at the start of the ceremony, which all have accepted with pleasure, except my sister.</div>
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She has been pleading with me and guilt tripping me in extremely abusive and manipulative ways to try and get me to change my mind. She has pulled every dirty trick out of her bag and thrown it at me, always relating the source of her hurt feelings back to her experience of this event and the sad fact that she believes I don't love her. I said that no role I gave her in the wedding other than the one she wants will make her happy and she needs to get over that because it's not going to happen. It also boggles my mind a little because she has never bothered to try and get to know my fiancee, so why does she care so much about our day?</div>
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Last week, she sent me an e mail stating she would not participate in the ceremony because the custom “meant nothing to her” and that she will not attend the wedding. She also expressed that she no longer wanted to have a relationship with me and closed with “see you at the next funeral.” Frankly, after all the drama, I think I would prefer for her to not attend. (I have had a couple of dreams where she misbehaves at the wedding that have freaked me out a little. In one she threw a glass of red wine all over the front of my dress.) If the tables were turned and she didn't include me in her wedding, I would respect any decision she made and help out in whatever way she needed me to. I don't need to be her MOH to know that she loves me, but I guess she needs a title, a bad dress and some flowers to believe I love her, and that to me is truly sad. This situation has definitely put a cloud over the event for me but in the end, I just want her to come and celebrate with us. It is going to be a great party and I think the only person who is going to regret her choice is her. I do have a feeling that at the last minute she will decide to attend and everyone (my family) will praise her for being such a good sister for showing up. I feel like this is her last attempt to try and get me to change my mind, but I'm sticking to my guns. At this point she has caused me so much pain over my own wedding that I don't want her to stand up for me because someone who loves me would accept my decision with grace.</div>
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Do you think I did the right thing?</div>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-56486978607570523922011-12-09T10:40:00.000-08:002011-12-09T10:43:21.193-08:00decline a bridesmaid<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">dear esb:</span><br />
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i am writing you, cause i love your honest and realistic advice, and because i need a third party's opinion.</div>
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one of my oldest friends is getting married in april. from high school to about last april, we were best friends. the type of best friends that we joked about how if we were single-old-maids, we'd live together with dogs. but last year when i dated a guy, she was not supportive about it and was quite vocal about her dislike [not to me, but to other people]. basically, we've drifted apart, and i would no longer consider her my best friend. however [and possibly unfortunately], we're roommates until i graduate in april. </div>
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she started dating a guy she has been close to for over a year now, and they just got engaged. i am happy for them, because they are in love and happy, but when she asked me to be her bridesmaid, i realized i wasn't that happy for them. i don't really want to be in her wedding party, and i don't know if i want to be forced into spending more time with them then i have to. </div>
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they as a couple are obnoxious, in-your-face and inconsiderate. here are a few examples: </div>
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- her fiance kisses her while he is in the middle of a conversations with me. i hate pda more than imaginable, and i brought that up. i talked to them, and told them that pda makes me uncomfortable. their response, "Leslie, when you're in love, you'll understand." i could've strangled someone.</div>
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- they are always in our apartment. always. if they have a free time, they are together, and 98% of the time, it's at our apt. even, if i am out in the living room watching TV. i have had a volume battle with them on multiple times. [keep in mind that he lives in an apartment complex literally 30 secs away]. it might not sound obnoxious, but over five months, it's getting really, really obnoxious.</div>
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is it reasonable for me to decline her offer and if so, how do i phrase it?</div>
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thanks,</div>
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a very disgruntled roommate.</div>esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-12794576960777648112011-08-31T09:38:00.001-07:002011-08-31T09:42:58.659-07:00Mother of the bride thinks i'm a servant<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Dear ESB,<br />
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I'm one of your french followers and love your blog! Great ideas and refreshing honesty!<br />
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I coming to you with a little dilemma : about 3 months ago, my BFF got married, I was one of her MoH (her sister was the other) and thrilled to be. Everything went well, the bachelorette, helping with some wedding details, etc…<br />
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Comes the wedding day, and the mother of the bride asks for my help for numerous things, ex : driving with family friends (no problem there, we're all going to the same place right?), being responsible for the groomsmen flower pins (they're grown-ups, but whatever), taking care of the prayer books and placing them in the church (no problem there either, we've got time). Once the ceremony was done, I was designated to round up all the 200 guests to go the venue where the rest of the party was held, then upon arriving there, Mother of the bride comes again to tell (not ask…) me to arrange the flowers in the ball room thus missing the photo-shoot (I appear in only ONE official photo). Later that night, I changed dresses (having previously checked with BFF/Bride, and getting a full "OK, wear that dress, it looks great!") and the mother shoots me black looks the rest of the night because some of our common friends complemented me.<br />
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Anyway, forward to now, my BFF has been making remarks that I only appear in one official picture, that I was pretty busy that special day and not enough "there for her".<br />
I know that I should have had the courage to tell her mother to cut me some slack, but I didn't… Shame on me.<br />
Here's my question, I don't want to create problems, but at the same time I don't like having to cope with the "blame" and would like to explain why it was so, can I tell my BFF about her mother's attitude towards me during the wedding? or would that be "rude" and should I just let it go?<br />
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Thanks for your view on this.<br />
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Take care!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-39682052321726327362011-08-24T10:38:00.000-07:002011-08-24T10:40:08.104-07:00Ripped Apart<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Dear ESB,</div>
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I am in the midst of a full-on clusterf*ck rage, but have calmed down just enough to type out this request for help (or at least a new perspective).</div>
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I recently got married, and my wedding was wonderful, everything a girl (or guy) could hope for, right down to the expensive designer dress I wore. However, because we (hubs and I) are on a budget, I decided to sell my dress afterwards to recoup some costs. I was so careful about wearing the dress I even had a second (cheapie) dress to wear during the dance! As I was being whisked away on my honeymoon directly after the wedding, I asked my oldest friend and MOH to do the honours of having the dress cleaned at a reputable cleaners and sending it on to the buyer (I'd already sold the dress). I gave MOH a blank cheque and told her it was incredibly important that this dress be in pristine condition for the next bride. She later told me that she got a great deal by taking the dress to her boyfriend's Dad's business and that his mom did some "minor" repairs. I wasn't thrilled to hear that she didn't take the dress to either of the businesses I had recommended, but figured she was working in my best interests. The last time I saw the dress it had a few minor tears in the tulle, but was otherwise fine. </div>
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Fast forward to now; I had a dispute with the bride who bought the dress because she said it was in incredibly poor condition; everything from giant tears to colour fade to (gasp) entire elements of the dress missing. I didn't argue with her much when I saw some pictures, but still figured she was exaggerating. I offered the bride a full refund and sat back and waited for my dress with a sinking feeling in my stomach...for very good reason. I got the dress back just hours ago and barely recognize it. The damage is extensive, and someone has definitely taken shears/amature skills to it in an attempt to hide the damage. Basically, my MOH's boyfriend's parents ruined my dress, and now I don't know if I will be able to sell it at all. But worse than that, my MOH must have realized that the dress was damaged and not told me. She was the one who packed it for shipping, so she would have seen what condition it was in after cleaning (she also bustled it at the wedding, so she, more than anyone, knows what it is supposed to look like!). I am convinced she knew, and just thought I would never find out. I have not yet spoken with her, but that is only because a) I'm so upset and b) I have no idea what to say.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So, my question, ESB, is what would you do if your oldest friend and MOH purposely lied to you? I don't want to be the kind of idiot who ruins a friendship over a dress...but she lied to me. Am I overreacting?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Sincerely,</div>
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<br /></div>
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Ripped Apart</div>
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</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-10646823825161103972011-05-23T12:47:00.000-07:002011-05-23T13:04:05.867-07:00Ready to pull out the Bridemaids' hair for THEM<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Dear ESB,<br />
<br />
My fiancee and I are getting married in November. Yayyyy!! I've asked my closest family and friends to be the bridesmaids. Yayyyy!! My dilemna lies with the anxiety these tricks are giving me. None of the girls are married (the ones that are causing anxiety anyway) so they really have no idea how many miniscule idiotic details are entailed in planning a wedding. My fiancee and I made a pact at the point of the engagement that we would NOT stress about planning this wedding. We want to fully enjoy this momentous ocassion to its fullest extent. Now, I know that (at least for me) it will be nearly impossible to be stress free when planning the wedding however, we have succeeded as much as possible to date. A couple of the girls are LITERALLY up my rear end about picking a dress. I told them that they'll be wearing black dresses and I've been on the hunt for cheese free but still reasonably priced bs dresses but this isn't sufficient for them. I know there are a ton of places that do cheese free bs dresses but can't find any that offer dresses that cater to the budget of less than $200 that I'm looking to fulfill and I abhor the idea of getting dresses at someplace like David's. I'm not concerned, at least not yet, that there won't be enough time to get the girls dresses. So I guess my questions for you are: A) Am I warranted in wanting to issue the bridesmaids that are causing stress a big STFU (shut the f**k up until I find something? and B) Could you suggest places that I can look to secure dresses that would suffice for a wedding in the budget price point of less than $200??<br />
<br />
Signed,<br />
Ready to pull out the Bridemaids' hair for THEM</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-68605078794252750982011-05-16T10:57:00.000-07:002011-05-16T11:46:19.052-07:00My Maid of Honor Is Clueless<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My maid of honor is my wonderful college roommate that I've known for eight years. After college I moved from Colorado to DC to be with my now fiance and she stayed in Colorado. Knowing that friendship fades with distance we make a point to vacation with one another every year. While vacationing together last year, she told me that she was sick of the corporate grind and was going to quit her job in February to backpack around Asia and Europe for five months. I thought it was a little silly to quit her job in this economy but I wished her the best and asked her to email when she could. Then I got engaged in December. <br />
<br />
I'm not a particularly needy bride, so knowing that she was going to be traveling for five months I still asked her to be my maid of honor for my October wedding. I figured that she would be back in the states by July and could start planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party then. A few months ago my future mother-in-law approached me about hosting a shower and my MOH thought it would be better if she hosted it because she wasn't familiar with my fiance's family and the city. I was ok with the decision and just asked my MOH to help with the planning (e.g. no silly games, no ribbon bouquet). <br />
<br />
The shower is planned for early-July and my MOH is flying into DC from Paris (the last leg of her five month trip) then flying home to Colorado after the shower. Again, I was ok with this and assumed that she would come in a few days before the shower and leave a few days later so that we would have time to catch up and talk about her travels and the weddings plans. <br />
<br />
Well it recently came to my attention that she's flying into DC the afternoon before my shower and leaving at 7 AM the morning after. Essentially she's going to be in DC for 36 hours. Jet lagged. With five months worth of laundry. Then, one of my bridesmaids let it slip that they're planning my bachelorette party for the night of the bridal shower.<br />
<br />
After I found out about the plans I offered my MOH my frequent flyer miles (enough to purchase a roundtrip plane ticket) so that she could come back to DC and plan my bachelorette party for later in the summer (like closer to my actual wedding date). She declined and said that she didn't mind pulling an all-nighter. I pointed out that I would rather her enjoy my bachelorette party and that I didn't feel like the timing was right. Again, she declined. <br />
<br />
I'm really at my wit's end. I didn't ask my MOH for much but I did ask her to plan a kick-ass bachelorette party. I feel like she doesn't give a crap about my bridal shower/bachelorette party, and now I don't want her to plan my bachelorette party if she can't take the time to do it right. What do you think? Am I being oversensitive? <br />
<br />
- PO'd in DC</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-4103460102677486512011-04-24T14:53:00.000-07:002011-04-24T14:55:57.290-07:00Passive Aggressive Bully Maid of Honor<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Dear ESB,<br />
<br />
I just found your blog and what great advice I did get by reading other people's issues and answers. However, I'm still in a pickle. This will sound very familiar in the beginning, but my real conundrum is at the end and boy would I sure appreciate some feedback. If you have the patience to read through this and hopefully post it, I'd be much obliged.<br />
<br />
<div>The long description is pertinent to the feedback I'm asking for, I feel. I'm getting hitched, next month in fact. My problem involves my oldest friend being a volunteer bridesmaid or MOH for lack of better wrods. My fiance and I are going kind of non-traditional and not too formal but it's gonna be a party nonetheless! We are foregoing the traditional best man and bridesmaid thing but I wanted to at least ask my BF (I'll call her BF1 for clarity in this story) to bear witness. My fiance and I were really looking forward to arranging it all ourselves: venue, catering, invitations, decor etc., so I told her she didn't need to do anything, just show up, besides, some major tasks (venue, dress, guests) were already being finalized. She asked if I needed any help numerous times. Knowing her tendencies to complain and get grumpy I told her "no thanks, your presence is enough." She kept asking anyway, said she was great at wedding stuff, that it would be fun and easy for her since she'd done it so many times before. So I gave her the task of getting catering quotes. I was truly grateful, she was enthusiastic and helpful. Along the way, I decided I wanted to acknowledge my friendship with another good friend and asked her also as my other witness (I don't love the words bridesmaid or MOH.)<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>The only thing I asked was that they wear the same color dress. The dresses didn't have to match, they could be existing dresses in their closets and that I would arrange and purchase their bouquets and headgear (flowers and such.)<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>In the meantime, I had been entrenched in multitasking and over my head in work projects and knew I couldn't put my head into my own wedding game for another couple of weeks though had been looking forward to clearing my schedule and jumping in. My plan was to treat the two ladies to a pedi and dinner once my head was cleared. BF2 has been a huge support as well but NO drama. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Ok, so BF1 does great with catering quotes. I thank her profusely. She asked for more tasks, again very enthusiastic but my spider senses told me no and I listened. Her jokey comment that she felt like "my assistant" was the red flag that prompted me to casually say, "hey you've been really great, very valuable. But I can totally get the rest from here, you don't have to do anything else." I was gushing. </div><div><br />
</div><div>The incident: One day BF1 and BF2 were going to meet me at my house at a predetermined time and leave from there to the city. It was something I planned to do alone but invited them both so perhaps they could get together and hash out their dress colors. I said to them both, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO but you're welcome to tag along for fun, we can all go window shopping. BF1 lives 40 minutes away. BF2, who offered to drive everyone to the end destination, lives 5 minutes away. Final destination, another 30 minutes away. I made a point to remind BF#1 that we needed to meet no later than the given time and that BF2 would be driving. I did so because she had a tendency to always be late - very late. Not an exaggeration. We're talking no less than 45 minutes late the last few times she's come to see me. (She never invites me to her house.) After 20 minutes past the given time I get a txt from BF1 that she's stuck in traffic. BF2 had changed her plans for the day to get to my house on time mind you. In my mind, if I say I can be there at the given time, I'll be there, not think in the back of my head "well I live far so they should wait regardless." </div><div><br />
</div><div>30 minutes past I call BF1 to find out if she's moved any in traffic. No answer. I leave a voicemail suggesting - not stating because I didn't know what her current situation was - that perhaps we meet her in the city at which point, would have been much closer a drive for her anyway. I've had to do this a time or two myself as I live far away from my city friends. What's so hard about this, "hey guys, looks like I'm gonna be super late, run on, I'll meet you there." Also, BF2 has somewhere else to be later that day. BF1 texts me that she can't believe I would "do this to her." That after driving all that way, I couldn't even wait. At this point it's 40 minutes past. My response was. "REALLY?" She then later texts me that after dealing with all my "shit" this is the thanks she gets. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Were it only me, I'd have just waited like I had done so, so many times before. But this time there was someone else's time (BF2) to consider.</div><div><br />
</div><div></div><div>After recounting the above incident to friends and people that know her, some of the comments have been "well golly, you should feel bad for her, her best friend is getting married!" As if I didn't know! Trouble is, that's just more of the same garbage - letting her act like a child AT me because I feel sorry for her. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I did not respond with anger to her but given the "shit" comment, it did prompt me to ask her if that's how she felt about my wedding (which I have been too busy to shove down anyone's throat much less enjoy any enthusiasm myself) that I needed to know if she still wanted to come. It's been many days, no answer. Feeling confused.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I would absolutely love some feedback, thoughts anyone who wants to weigh in. </div></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-65885067576899183922011-04-12T15:42:00.000-07:002011-04-12T15:44:06.948-07:00Am I being too sensitive and cheap?Hello ESB,<br />
<br />
I am in the midst of planning my wedding which is going to happen in less than 4 months. One of my best friends recently got engaged as well. Because she is deployed in Iraq right now, her wedding won't be until May or June of 2012. However, she trying to get all of her bridesmaids to get dresses right now! All of the other girls are fine with that, except for me. My fiance and I are planning and paying for our own wedding, and I just don't have any time or money to start spending for someone else's wedding. She wants us to get the dresses now because she's worried that they won't be available more than a year from now. Am I being too sensitive and cheap? Or is she being too ridiculous in her demands?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-40847389239381115622011-03-31T12:42:00.000-07:002011-03-31T12:42:52.570-07:00Having Second Thoughts<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I've been best friends with "T" for a few years now. We were both dating guys we knew we would eventually marry and promised each other we could be each other's maid of honors. She got engaged before I did and we immediately got my bridesmaids dress (translate: I can't back out of her wedding). Since her engagement she's been extremely hard to be around. Though she may have gotten a little more self-concerned since her engagement I think it's really me that's changed. I just don't enjoy her company like I used to. Fast forward to my engagement and I'm really having second thoughts about her being the maid of honor. My sister and I have grown closer and I'd really like for her to be the maid of honor instead of T. T's wedding is April 2011 and mine is March 2012. That's not really enough time for me to slowly "drop" her as a friend and still plan my wedding. I mean, she'll be expecting to help me.<br />
<br />
I just don't know what to do! Should I tell her to F off or just suck it up? </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-81021781105279485252011-03-25T10:36:00.000-07:002011-03-25T10:36:36.227-07:00My Bridesmaid's Gone Rogue<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I have debated emailing you for awhile but have decided to.<br />
<br />
Here is my story... fairly shortened.<br />
<br />
I had a friend, well she was my best friend for about 6 years. I lived away at school & she lived here in my hometown (where I am getting married) and we talked everyday- she told me about her multiple secret lives (she is mormon but would do everything mormons weren't supposed to do) & I wouldn't judge her becuase she was my friend. I was a good friend, one of her best friends that she wouldn't have to untag in facebook pictures because her family may see them, I would come over and hang out with her family & was good friends with all of them- basically we were best friends. So naturally when I got engaged I asked her to be in my wedding.<br />
<br />
I moved home in May of last year, saw her several times in the summer- which was odd but I wrote it off as us being busy. I saw her the first week of August and then didn't see her again till December at Christmas time- ya I know... so much for being best friends if we can't see each other for 4-5 months while living in the same town. This is when I started thinking hmmm... she isn't really my best friend anymore, won't really answer my phone calls & won't return them- can't make time for each other. <br />
<br />
I put part of the blame on my shoulders... but its obvious we are not friends like we used to be. I thought maybe things will get better... I tried telling her that if things were too busy or since we can't make time for each other then maybe I should just have family in the wedding... she assured me that things would get better. Well they haven't and recently she we were supposed to take a trip to California and things didn't go as well as I had hoped... as well as it would have gone if we were best friends.<br />
<br />
I guess after all this... my question is... we aren't friends like we used to be & I don't just want bridesmaids up there to stand with me- I want them to support my fiance & I's decision and be there for us- and I don't think she is that person to me anymore. It makes me sad and I have avoided telling her for sometime because I wish we were still friends and don't want to cut ties with her family but I am stuck. (Everyone else in the bridal party is basically telling me to kick her out) & I don't know how to tell her (I am not one to lie) or what to say- I would rather it be in person but by our track record I wouldn't see her till the wedding.<br />
<br />
Thanks,<br />
[My] Bridesmaid['s] gone rogue</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490441141453035315.post-24032138470383702832011-03-23T12:01:00.000-07:002011-03-23T12:11:55.550-07:00Tacky Email Queen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Dear ESB, <br />
<div><br />
</div><div>Argh! I got engaged Dec 2nd when my now fiance swooped me off on a surprise weekend getaway to a B&B in the outskirts of Virginia. Since there was no cell reception, it was a painful task to even call my closest family members that night, which I barely managed. Since I still had wifi, later that night I updated my status on FB with a picture of the engagement ring & my changed relationship status. Tacky? Probably so, but I also work in social media and let's admit it, this is pretty typical behavior nowadays for a lot of people. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Still, I got engaged on a Friday and didn't call my BFF who lives in Chicago (I live in DC) until the next Monday evening. She was never too keen on my fiance or any guy I dated for that matter, so it wasn't a surprise that she wasn't overly excited to hear the news. She seemed faking-it enthusiastic and distant when I mentioned that I didn't know if I was even going to have bridesmaids, but I knew I wanted her to be up there with me for sure on the big day.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Then I didn't hear from her for weeks. Very strange for us and then when I did a few times three weeks later, she never mentioned my engagement or anything relating to it. It was like she chose to ignore it was happening, but we had a close friendship, so I figured she needed time.</div><div><br />
</div><div>So I sent an email asking four girls to be my bridesmaids. I contemplated the best way to ask my friends, but they live in different cities, so I just thought fuck it, i'll send an email. Since I know my BFF is pretty broke (she's largely been supporting her boyfriend who kinda sponges of her), I put a disclaimer in there about how there were many honors in our wedding should a bridesmaid feel uncomfortable with the expenses and responsibilities associated with being in the bridal party. Everybody else responded enthusiastically right away but her. Radio silence.</div><div><br />
</div><div>But I knew she was coming out to DC for NYE, so I planned to talk with her then. She pretty much ignored my engagement ring albeit while complimenting me on my nail polish color (WTF) and didn't congratulate us at all when we went to lunch in DC. Ignored the whole thing until I brought it up and she was like, "Oh yeah--when's the date again?" Our fellow Chicago friend (and a bridesmaid) who was also visiting and staying with me that weekend even noticed how she was oddly ignoring the whole subject. </div><div><br />
</div><div>So, we went out dancing that NYE night - the three girls and our boyfriends - and big drama ensued later when my other Chicago friend asked if my BFF was a bridesmaid when they were sharing a cab to another bar I was supposed to meet them at. She erupted and said she was hurt that I didn't call her first and she only heard about my engagement on FB and that being a bridesmaid is a lot of money and work...yada yada yada...</div><div><br />
</div><div>The next morning, hangovers and all, we hashed it out over the phone. Basically, she thinks my fiance and I should've sat her down and asked her in person to be a part of our wedding (nevermind the fact that I never see her since she lives in another city or that HELLO, I'm the one getting engaged!). I told her I could tell it was more that that since she had completely ignored the whole subject even before I asked her to be a bridesmaid and I had told her by the way that I wanted her to be one the Monday after I got engaged!! I told her it was pretty obvious she had a problem with my fiance since she had ignored the whole subject for weeks before I even sent the email. I said, "Look - all I really need to know is if you're going to be in the wedding party or not." She told me she couldn't condone my marriage and I said, "Fine. Then you'll get an invitation." She responded, "As long as it's not by email." at which point I hung up on her and haven't spoken to her since.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Since then she sent me one text message two weeks later asking if I could call her that night to talk and an ecard on Valentine's day saying she loves me and will always cherish the memories we've had together and despite what I might think, she only wants the best for me. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Still sounded a little back handed to me, so I didn't respond.</div><div><br />
</div><div>My former BFF was always a little quirky, possessive, and competitive with me, but this has really made me reevaluate my entire relationship with her. My fiance is true blue, caring, loving, and all about me, so I just don't get it! I She's only met him two or three times in the two years we've been dating. I'm not sure if it's because since I moved from Chicago, I've advanced rapidly in a new career and landed a great guy (we're both financially stable, he owns a great apt, and we travel internationally together quite a bit) and like I said before, she's been struggling financially to support both her and head bf. Plus I think she's really wanting to settle down and start a family, two things that have never been high on my immediate priority list. But I feel like her issues with my wedding are just issues with herself, but she's not willing to admit it. I'm honestly too consumed with work, wedding planning, and all the rest to deal with her drama at the moment and not sure I want to invite it back into my life since it's been pretty smooth sailing since she's been absent. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Is this shitty of me? Should I try and have a conversation with her or just write her off? She stil hasn't apologized and if I'm honest with myself, maybe we've out-grown each other? What should I do?!</div><div><br />
</div><div>Yours,</div><div>Tacky Email Queen</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com32