I've been best friends with "T" for a few years now. We were both dating guys we knew we would eventually marry and promised each other we could be each other's maid of honors. She got engaged before I did and we immediately got my bridesmaids dress (translate: I can't back out of her wedding). Since her engagement she's been extremely hard to be around. Though she may have gotten a little more self-concerned since her engagement I think it's really me that's changed. I just don't enjoy her company like I used to. Fast forward to my engagement and I'm really having second thoughts about her being the maid of honor. My sister and I have grown closer and I'd really like for her to be the maid of honor instead of T. T's wedding is April 2011 and mine is March 2012. That's not really enough time for me to slowly "drop" her as a friend and still plan my wedding. I mean, she'll be expecting to help me.
I just don't know what to do! Should I tell her to F off or just suck it up?
I just don't know what to do! Should I tell her to F off or just suck it up?
I think you should tell her the truth. You and your sister have grown closer and u want her to be your MOH. If your friend doesn't like it, oh well! You dont want any regrets!
ReplyDeleteA few thoughts:
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else here think that the whole "Maid of Honor" thing has gotten a little blown out of proportion? I mean, is there some sort of scholarship program associated with MOH that I'm not aware of?
Don't have a bridal party if it's just an excuse to bestow a hierarchy upon your friends.
And also, maybe if you told her you're actively engaging in "dropping" her, she'll kindly back out and never want to be your friend again.
Everyone involved sounds so typically mean. Since when does a wedding mean you have the right to be an insufferable biatch to those around you? I've been married for 13 years, guess what? I don't remember much of my wedding day. It goes by in a blur and unless you are a totally shallow person, it's perfect no matter what happens because you are marrying your best fried/soul mate/etc. People spend way too much money and put way too much stock into weddings. Your life doesn't stay tea roses, orchids, swarovski crystals, and prime rib. After the wedding or maybe the honeymoon your life goes back to normal. And some people can't adjust. People who become bridezillas can't adjust.
ReplyDeleteIm pretty confused as to what your actual problem is here. Your wedding is NEXT YEAR. be a good bridesmaid to her and don't even mention your own wedding. Decide on your wedding party in May. She doesnt have to be in it. Then your ladies still have 10 months to get their dresses and anything else they would need.
ReplyDeleteMaybe after she is done with her stressballs wedding, you will like her again. Then she will write in to ESB about your attitude and dropping you while you're notlikeyourself during your wedding planning.
Bravo @EyeHeartLife, you stole the words from my fingertips.
ReplyDeleteHowever, your sister is your sister and will always be a part of your life. If "T" wasn't coping an attitude right now would you still want your sister to be your maid of honor? If you feel strongly about asking your sister to be your maid of honor then do it but don't share the news until after your friend's wedding.
march 2012 is a year from now. but, if you're planning how to "slowly drop her as a friend" or deciding whether or not to tell her to "F off" it kind of sounds like you hate her guts.
ReplyDeletedude. easy out. don't overthink this. your sis can be a MOH. wait until after her wedding to decide on your bridal party and go from there. only you can really decide if you really want her in your life, but there can be a middle ground between telling her to eff of and sucking it up for her to be your MOH.
ReplyDeleteAfter she's married, you can have a maid and a matron of honor.
ReplyDeleteyou could make up any crap you want about how your family doesn't understand that your sis isn't your MOH, and if she is a friend she will understand. weddings always crazy like that and different family members have different demands, so it won't seem that strange.
ReplyDeletethat said, people get close and less close all the time though. just because you are going through a lull with her doesn't mean much. did you like her before? were you expecting to like her in 5 years? 10 years? if you guys are really good friends then this shouldn't matter too much. people always react differently under stress than they do normally, so you kinda have to give her some room. you will be in the same situation later. and also -- you might care more in the future about the fact that you kept your word to your friend (assuming it's a big deal to her) than who was your actual MOH.
Anon 12:47 nailed it. BYAH!!
ReplyDeleteat least you have a sister. That's an easy-out of having a Maid of Honor you don't want.