Am I being too sensitive and cheap?

Hello ESB,

I am in the midst of planning my wedding which is going to happen in less than 4 months. One of my best friends recently got engaged as well. Because she is deployed in Iraq right now, her wedding won't be until May or June of 2012. However, she trying to get all of her bridesmaids to get dresses right now! All of the other girls are fine with that, except for me. My fiance and I are planning and paying for our own wedding, and I just don't have any time or money to start spending for someone else's wedding. She wants us to get the dresses now because she's worried that they won't be available more than a year from now. Am I being too sensitive and cheap? Or is she being too ridiculous in her demands?


  1. As a fellow bride coming to the end of my planning process (3 months to go) my thoughts are- you agreed to be a part of her wedding. By doing so you also agreed to help fulfill any of her bridal wishes. The purchase may not be coming at a worst time but if you want to keep her as a friend, do as she asks.

  2. Agreed with the above.
    I suspect your friend is trying to prepare well in advance to spread out the effort of planning, especially being deployed at the same time which is pretty difficult to balance. Cut her some slack.
    If you "don't have any time or money to start spending for someone else's wedding", then you may want to consider not being a bridesmaid. Alternatively, speak to her about your constraints, there may be something you can sort out that works for both of you. As a fellow bride, I'm sure she can appreciate your situation as well.

  3. Let's get down to brass tacks here:

    Where does she want you to buy this dress from? David's Bridal? Or an off-the-rack dress from Macy's or something that might not exist next season?

    If it's a bridesmaid dress from an actual bridesmaid line, it will be there. And if it's not there new, it will be there second hand. They are MASS PRODUCED, folks. So unless all of the Davids Bridal stores across the whole country spontaneously combust at once, you will be able to find it.

    Also, is it impossible for her to meet you in the middle? Like, pick out a few options that everyone likes now and then buy them in a few months? You can do the heavy lifting now without pulling the trigger, you know?

    Also, is she trying to plan her bridesmaid dresses before planning the rest of the wedding? Because unless she has a venue and a date, all of that is a no no. What if things change and all of a sudden her wedding is going to be in December of 2012? That cute spring dress is now out the door.

    Gah. People with their PLANNING.

    A Girl Who Bought Her Wedding Dress 2 Weeks Before The Wedding

  4. Sensitive? Meh. Cheap? Maybe. Ridiculous to her demands? Yes.

    You're about to have your wedding so you of all people should know how much it sucks when people involved in your wedding make it about them.

    If the dress is something that you absolutely cannot afford right now than be honest with her. My maid of honor is just coming back from a five month trip to India and can't afford her dress so I'm buying it for her and letting her pay me back if she wants to. Maybe your friend will do the same if you tell her you're in a money crunch. If not, that's what credit cards are for.

  5. Someone asked to to think of something other than *your wedding*?! And spend money not on *your wedding*?! The bare-assed cheek.

    Newsflash - the world does not actually revolve around your wedding.

    Having said that, if you genuinely have no cash for a dress just now, how about being honest with your friend?

  6. My best friend is in her brother's wedding, and just found out she's in two other weddings this summer... and is getting married next March. She put a smile on her face and bought all the dresses and shoes and accessories (probably totaling around $500-600 give or take) and she did all of this with a big ol' smile on her face. I suggest you do the same.

  7. I was in a similar situation last year. My then-fiance and I set an October date for our wedding. My best friend (who got engaged after us) set her wedding date in July - as in, three months before our wedding. I was asked to be a bridesmaid, and (in the midst of planning my own wedding) I had to shell out $150 on a bridesmaid's dress for her wedding. You can't get out of this one. Sorry. It sucks. I feel you. But you gotta buy the bridesmaids dress. (P.S. My concern for her is that she'll change her mind a hundred times between now and May-June 2012, and I hope all of her girls can still fit in their dresses. A lot can happen in that span of time. But you've still gotta do it, regardless.) xo.

  8. Most of us ask a lot of our bridesmaids. They're expected to spend money, time, and energy making us feel like our wedding is the best thing they could ever imagine happening. Your bridesmaids are doing this for you right now...and since you agreed to be your friend's bridesmaid, you also need to do that for her. That's what agreeing to be in someone's wedding is about.

  9. Blogger ate my comment yesterday, and I threw up my hands and gave up.

    I came back today to reconstruct, and I see Nicole has pretty much posted what I had intended to before Blogger ate it. :) Tonia also has a really good point as well.

  10. I definitely agree w/ Tonia... Plus, for what it's worth, I think you are being kind of cheap. You're going to have to buy the dress anyway -- and think of all the $$$$$ you're going to get at your wedding in just a few months. How much can the dress possibly be? $200 range? NBD in the grand scheme of things. I think you've gotta suck this one up with a smile and a "whatever I can do for you while you're in the f-ing desert serving our country and simultaneously trying to plan a wedding" kind of outlook ;) I bet you'll be happy you did!

  11. esb i have been out of it not checking blogs for a while and this is what i come back to. you used the c word in the address!

  12. Jess is about right. Few other factors to consider: is it a $350 Vera Wang dress? If you can pony up, then you should do so.

    On a Shallow Dress Note, I was in a friend's wedding recently, and the first dress we picked out was HOLY JESUS AMAZING WONDERFUL - my mom was there to watch me try it on and she assented. I loved loved loved that dress and would have gladly shelled out a couple hundred for it.

    However, a few weeks later, or an uninformed wedding consultant later, I don't know, the dress was gone. The one it was replaced with was acceptable, but not nearly as beautiful as the first. It wasn't even my wedding, and I'd have preferred to wear the first dress (as I know the bride would have, too).

    It's possible that the dress may be gone sooner than you think, and a pain in the ass to find it second-hand somewhere (locally, and one that fits). Shipping it in second-hand might be more expensive than getting it now.

    And yes, while you are wedding planning and spending hideous amounts of money, your friend is in fraking Iraq, so this sort of seems like the least you can do. As a fellow soon-to-be-bride, you're probably not being cheap so much as overreacting as a result of other stressors. Stop worrying and learn to love to spend money. :)

  13. am I being too sensitive and cheap?

    yes and yes.

  14. since when did a bridesmaid have to pay for their own dress?

  15. get over it. buy the dress. relieve some stress for your friend.