Dear ESB,
I'm one of your french followers and love your blog! Great ideas and refreshing honesty!
I coming to you with a little dilemma : about 3 months ago, my BFF got married, I was one of her MoH (her sister was the other) and thrilled to be. Everything went well, the bachelorette, helping with some wedding details, etc…
Comes the wedding day, and the mother of the bride asks for my help for numerous things, ex : driving with family friends (no problem there, we're all going to the same place right?), being responsible for the groomsmen flower pins (they're grown-ups, but whatever), taking care of the prayer books and placing them in the church (no problem there either, we've got time). Once the ceremony was done, I was designated to round up all the 200 guests to go the venue where the rest of the party was held, then upon arriving there, Mother of the bride comes again to tell (not ask…) me to arrange the flowers in the ball room thus missing the photo-shoot (I appear in only ONE official photo). Later that night, I changed dresses (having previously checked with BFF/Bride, and getting a full "OK, wear that dress, it looks great!") and the mother shoots me black looks the rest of the night because some of our common friends complemented me.
Anyway, forward to now, my BFF has been making remarks that I only appear in one official picture, that I was pretty busy that special day and not enough "there for her".
I know that I should have had the courage to tell her mother to cut me some slack, but I didn't… Shame on me.
Here's my question, I don't want to create problems, but at the same time I don't like having to cope with the "blame" and would like to explain why it was so, can I tell my BFF about her mother's attitude towards me during the wedding? or would that be "rude" and should I just let it go?
Thanks for your view on this.
Take care!
If your BFF complains about you not "being there for her" again, politely inform her that you were busy taking care of last-minute tasks and details that were delegated to you by her mom. You don't need to say anything about her mom's bad attitude- just make sure your friend understands that you WERE there for her, making sure everything was perfect on her big day and doing the dirty work while the other girls were posing for pictures!
ReplyDeleteman oh man it's pretty simple.
ReplyDelete1. you're a good friend.
2. yep, tell it up! "you're mom asked me to do this and this and these and these. she scares me. what could i do?"
done.
i'm very confused about the whole bride not thinking their bridal party is "there for her" enough. why do women feel this way? getting married isn't a chore, it's not an intervention, it's a celebration. how many people, exactly, does one need to lean on in order to celebrate themselves?
ReplyDeleteanyway. if she feels slighted that you weren't in the photos, apologize, but explain all the tasks her mother gave you to do in that time. Then also explain that since her mom knew when pictures were being taken, and that you should be in them, that you trusted her judgement of where you should spend your time & didn't think you'd be missing as many of the photos as you did.
I think it's possible to tell your friend what happened WITHOUT making her mom sound like a controlling witch.
ReplyDelete"Ginger, I wanted your day to be as perfect as possible. There were a number of tasks that your mom gave me to help things move along smoothly, and I was happy to do them. Unfortunately, she and I didn't realize it would mean me missing out on being in the official photos. I'm sorry about that."
17beats for president.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who could definitely say to someone I consider my BFF, "your mom was being a crazy bitch!"
ReplyDeleteThe marital couple should have had a schedule for the photographers, and so it should have been explicitly stated when you needed to be around for photos and when you were free to go do other things.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, in this case, it clearly sounds like the mom wanted you out of the picture (literally). She does NOT like you one bit. Whether or not you try to make this evident to your friend is up to you. If it were just me, I would probably just apologize to my friend for not being there "enough" and suck it up. It's just going to stress her out if you tell her that mommy dearest is a cunt.
You seem like a great MOH to your best friend. If it had been me, I would have looked her in the eye and politely told her that you were needed for wedding photos and that you would gladly find another helpful person. You should have stood up for yourself and found someone else to help. But since you can't go back in time, tell your friend the truth in the nicest way possible, just like 17beats said.
ReplyDelete