"Ally" and I have been friends since we were about 10, we are now 25. She has always been super controlling and, for lack of a better term, psycho when it comes to relationships of any kind. We are complete opposites, she is super type A I am laid back, she always has a lot of people around her "friends" if you will, but they are in a constantly revolving door. So much so that i can never keep straight who she is talking to and who she isn't. I have 3 really close friends (not counting ally) and my sisters and thats it. I do not need or want anymore. For every event in her life, the world comes to a halt, because she is the only person who has ever had a birthday or graduated from school. I indulged in this for years because I cared about her and our friendship and assumed the same of her. When I got pregnant 5 years ago at the young age of 20 is when I started to see some disturbing things. She got super pissed at me for not coming to her 21st birthday 2 hours away while I was 8 months pregnant! After I had my son I didn't answer her phone calls for like a week, I was tired and when i had time to talk i chose to sleep. Well i was bombarded by texts about how selfish i was for not answering. since then I have wanted to end our friendship, but the length of it and how close i am to her family as prevented me.
that was 4 years ago and she still has not attempted to understand that my life has changed and her life is not on my list of priorities.
She was a BM in my wedding last March and being the way that I am i pretty much did everything myself because I don't like to impose on people. She had very little to do aside from getting a dress, which I let the bms all choose on their own as long as they were in the blush or champagne family. And attend a shower which I said to everyone if they couldn't make it was no big deal.
She got engaged right before my wedding and she is getting married in November, in central america. I'm MOH, i don't even like her anymore. Like i don't want to be her friend. When she told me when/where it was I said "that's so great! just to let you know though, we are going to start trying for a baby early next year so I want you to know there is a possibility I will not be able to attend." She flipped her shit!!!! anyways i havent talked about that since,and the trying has begun so I might have an easy out anyways. But in the interim I am being harrassed by daily e-mails phone calls and texts about every f-ing detail. if i dont answer she goes crazy and berates me. She is having a three day bachelorette party 6 hours away, she wants us all in central america for a WEEK of wedding celebration! WTF is she smoking?! also on her wedding website there are lovely tidbits like "no excuses, there is plenty of time to save and plan for the wedding.."
How do I break up with a friend of 15 years? The wedding itself may be moot point anyways because of the impending pregnancy, but holy shit she is a nutcase and being a bride has made her even more unbearable.
sincerely,
MOH who doesn't give a flying f$ck about the wedding or the bride
Say you're expecting and can't make it, then change your number.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand what the problem is. Call her up, write her an email or go see her face to face and just be honest. You break up with "friends" the same way you break up with lovers, by being clear, direct and confident in your decision. If your biggest concern is loosing her family, if they know you and know their daughter/sister/whatever then they'll understand why the breakup happened. But that also comes when you break up from a lover, you can't always keep the family.....same is true for your friend's family.
ReplyDeleteThis person is a bully. Bullies get their power from people who it to them by entertaining their bullshit. Stop entertaining the bullshit! Tell this lady that you don't want your children around her toxic crap, and then never talk to her again! She needs to learn at some point in life that she can't treat people that way and get away with it.
ReplyDelete"her life is not on my list of priorities."
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like neither one of you has been a very good friend.
Give her a call or send her an email and tell her you're stepping down from MOH duties.
"I have 3 really close friends (not counting ally) and my sisters and thats it. I do not need or want anymore."
ReplyDeleteYikes. Well at least with that attitude you don't have to worry about anyone wanting to befriend you!
As for the problem at hand, stop being passive aggressive. I can't believe 4 years after you knew this woman was insane you still had her in your wedding.
Call it what you want, still sounded snotty to me.
DeleteSeriously tho - why did you accept being a MOH in the first place??
ReplyDeleteYou have got to pull way the eff back on this one. This kind of crazy is not something you can casually distance yourself from, and allow "time and distance to do their thing." You need to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that this relationship has become toxic for you, and you aren't able to attend her wedding/be her moh/be in her life anymore. You wish her all the happiness, the best of luck, etc. Say this relatively free of emotion, and then --this is the important part--do not answer her calls any more or respond to her texts. If you engage with a manipulative jerk *at all* she will find a way to pull you right back into her drama.
ReplyDeleteDump her and disengage. Spend time with your family; stop taking time away from them to feed this monster.