So I wrote in before about these Valentino shoes. But I come to you with an altogether different conundrum today. I recently read that you were looking for some cunty MOH. Well, I think I might be able to help with that.
My FH and I wanted a no mess, no fuss kinda wedding which I am pulling off pretty well so far. We agreed to only have one best 'person' each, he asked his best friend and I asked my sister. Now my sister and I are not particularly close, but I thought we got each other. Plus she is super organized and would be perfect for on the day when I needed stuff to get done without having to ask for it to be done.
That is until recently when she has been going through a bit of a change in boyfriends, a lot of work pressure and my parents are having a difficult time in their marriage and it's taking its toll on her. We have never had the same taste; she likes flying ponies, champagne towers, glitzy dresses and all about making a statement. I like simple and timeless. So since it is my wedding I thought that she would be supportive with what I wanted. I guess I thought wrong.
When I asked her to be my MOH she was super happy. Then when I was discussing dates with her and my parents I mentioned two dates and her response was, 'None of those dates have any specific meaning to you, they are just numbers. So just pick one.' So that is what I did. I found her response to be unhelpful, but whatever.
The one thing my sister and I have always bonded over is food - we love to cook. So when I called her to come over to my place to have dinner and discuss what we could be eating at the wedding I thought it would be a great collaboration. Everything that I mentioned she turned her nose up at and had a different idea. It was very much like, 'Yeah, that sounds nice but what you should actually do is...' and every idea would be an elaborate scheme of how to make simple, delicious food into something that crazysauce would have given birth to. (Salad dressing in glass droppers hanging from the ceiling above the tables!!!??) Anyway, my general response was, 'Hmmm, yeah we could do it like that.' I then made my appointment with the caterers on a weekday (maybe on purpose), she was working, and so I went with another friend of mine and am getting what I want.
The next incident happened when I showed her a picture of my dress. She wasn't able to come with when I went to look for it. I had a friend with a contact in vintage dresses she stipulated the day she could open her store for me and I went in and immediately found my dress and paid for it a week later. So when I showed her the picture I thought she would be excited. She looked at it and said, 'Oh. It's not what I imagined it would be.' So I asked her what she thought it would look like and she said, 'I dunno. Just different. It's just a dress.' To which I replied that that is exactly what I wanted, just a dress and the reason I bought it was what made it special. But the way she said it really hurt and by now, I would actually have like some support from her.
The final straw that go me writing into you was when we started discussing what she would wear. I ordered this dress off eBay which fit her perfectly but she didn't like the length, the colour or the bottom half of the dress.
From,
Simple Sister
if she is married and picking wedding dresses for her MOH role, then she is a b*tch. If she´s single you should inform her that those ARE wedding dresses an just pick something YOU like and tell her to wear it. Period.
ReplyDeleteIt is your wedding, not hers, wen it is hers, then she can wear whatever she wants.
And for the bridal shower, relax an try to enjoy, it´s her chance to show you she´s there for you, in her way. It´s your sis and she loves you, keep that in mind (and if you know she doesn´t, then she shouldn´t be your MOH)
I found myself saying, "That would be beautiful for a wedding, but I don't think it's right for mine."
ReplyDeleteIt was not always true, but it was polite. Also, maybe, "I know you may not expect all of my choices, but please don't let that get in the way of being excited about them. Getting a dress, picking a great meal, it's exciting no matter what the choices end up being!"
Pick a dress for her. Let her bitch about and pout over it. Make her wear it anyways.
ReplyDeleteThe problem here isn't so much your kooky sister but that you keep expecting her to be normal or think like you.
I'm really not seeing how your sister is being crazy. Like you said, you two have different tastes. Yeah, it sucks a little that she isn't getting excited over what you prefer, but that's just the way it is. That's not crazy, but I can understand it would be disappointing.
ReplyDeleteFor future choices, ask your friends who have similar tastes for feedback. Your MOH sister does not have to be involved in these decisions. You guys aren't going to bond, so just let her show up on the day of the wedding. And pick out three dress options for her to wear and then let her choose. Also, you are going to get an elaborate shower hosted by your sister whether or not you like it. So relax, let her plan it the way she wants to, and just go with it.
the first one isn't thaaat different from the one you got off ebay, in that it's long and white. (the last two are just way too bridal gown, absolutely not.)
ReplyDeletejust tell your sister she isn't allowed to wear a wedding dress to your wedding. personally, I would rethink having her in a long white dress at all? it's just bound to cause issues! this scenario, case in point.
None of this is remotely crazy.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't even sound like you NEED to ignore her; just stop asking for her opinion. Everything seems to be instigated by you. But yes, if she does say something you disagree with SAY SOMETHING and go for what you want.
As for the dress, I don't get what is troublesome. The one from Ebay is as wedding-esque as the ones she picked.
Lastly, turn your phone on silent during the hours you don't wish to speak to people. I don't get how in the age of cell phones this is something people still complain about.
I can understand where you're coming from. I'm getting married in April, and I've been dealing with all kinds of MOH issues. First, I asked my sister. We've always had our issues, but I feel like a wedding is a time for family, and since blood is thicker than water, they should be honored first. Riiight... My sis told me "hell no" she won't be my maid of honor, and proceeded to bash me, claiming she'll only be able to stomach the wedding if she has a flask with her (overlooking our plans for an open bar, haha).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I then asked my childhood best friend who agreed with pleasure, but ever since, she's been criticizing my choices, manipulating my shower and bachelorette party dates to suit her needs, and stirring up drama with my other bridesmaids who want nothing but to be positive and excited about the wedding. I'm now stuck in the middle.
Weddings are a big deal, and while yes, we probably shouldn't be asking for their opinion, now that we know better, it doesn't feel good. You'd expect for best friends and sisters to be happy about us being happy, but so it goes.
I wonder if your sis is jealous because you're in a stable relationship and she's not. My sister went through a divorce at a very young age and my friend has never been in a serious relationship, although she wants one.
Hang in there. She's wrong, but don't let her break your spirit.
grt
ReplyDelete