Dear ESB,
My MOH is my best friend and generally pretty awesome. She is also FH’s cousin and currently planning her own wedding to FH’s friend. She got engaged a week before me (the fellas unknowingly bought rings on the same day) and set their date a few days later. FH and I had a harder time setting our date. We’d always envisioned fall, but have siblings getting married this year and next, and our other siblings couldn’t afford to fly across the country twice within a few months. Outdoor wedding was a must, so we chose next summer, six weeks before MOH’s wedding. She wasn’t happy but seemed to get over it, and our weddings are turning out to be quite different. Hers is a sit-down dinner at a beautiful but expensive country club. Ours is a (hopefully) relaxed and cheap beach ceremony followed by a party in my parents’ backyard nearby. A friend’s cousin will be doing our buffet-style catering. His wife is a DJ and offers discounts to people who book both of them. Sounds obvious that we should hire her, right? Nope. MOH was the one who first talked about this DJ, and then declared that we can’t have the same one because our weddings will be too similar and will have the same music. I thought all wedding DJs played basically the same music? The standards with some requests thrown in? Anyway, I never even wanted a DJ in the first place. After I got engaged, I started happily creating a playlist of my favorite love and dance songs peppered with the weird crap I like. But FH really wants a DJ and MOH convinced me that I should compromise. I agreed, and he said he would take care of the pricing, contract, etc. Then MOH called dibs on this DJ. FH thinks it’s ridiculous and plans on pursuing her anyway. A part of me feels like I should just let the two of them work it out. They’re family after all. But I love them both dearly and don’t want this to cause a fight, especially over something that is so low on my list of things to give a shit about. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Still Secretly Updating My Playlist
Your MOH is being a bitch. You can't call dibs on a damn DJ. Tell her to get her head out of her ass.
ReplyDeleteA part of me feels like I should just let the two of them work it out. They’re family after all.
ReplyDeleteThis is what you should do. Let her complain, just ignore it. Everyone I know uses the same DJ for their weddings, no one cares and if she does let her care. No one will remember, etc.
MOH is definitely being childish & insecure.. also isn't there any other DJ available at an affordable price??
ReplyDeleteUgh. I wrote this letter to esb hoping for some no bullshit, helpful advice from her and the readers. Didn't think it'd end up here. My MOH is certainly not a cunt and I really hope she never sees this... I'm gonna go quit the Internet now.
ReplyDeleteYou seriously don't think your MOH is a cunt after she threw a tantrum about what DJ you were using? You're either a doormat or a saint, I can't decide which.
ReplyDeleteBook the DJ. Seriously. Your weddings have nothing in common.
"Ugh. I wrote this letter to esb hoping for some no bullshit, helpful advice from her and the readers. Didn't think it'd end up here. My MOH is certainly not a cunt and I really hope she never sees this... I'm gonna go quit the Internet now."
ReplyDeleteSo, having her pilloried by ESB would be less bad? Grow up. I felt bad for you. Now I don't.
Give DJ your list of songs from your playlist you've been working on. They will just make them flow/ throw in the typical crap that ever wedding dj plays (electric slide, chacha slide..etc). Your weddings sound completely different and your MOH is being loco/bratty if you aren't allowed to use the same DJ. The weddings are 6 weeks a part.. not on the same weekend, so it's more than acceptable to use the same DJ. Or if you want to get really crazy hire a KJ; that's right... a karaoke jockey & let all of your guests sing their little hearts out.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I think I would be PISSED that your wedding was so close if I was the MOH and she was being a peach to not through a tantrum about that....I know that when I was the MOH for my best friend it seemed like a full time job (one I was HAPPY to do) but could never imagine doing that AND planning my own wedding...I think she has just drawn her line about this DJ....this is her "do not cross" and I honestly think you should respect it...even if it is not rational. Your MOH had many valid reasons to get pissed and because of her love for you two she compromised. Respect her on this choice. She is your friend and sometimes we are all a bit crazy.
ReplyDeleteI don't think six weeks apart is a big deal whatsoever. Just keep in mind if you're having your bachelorette party while she's on her honeymoon, or throwing a bridal shower two weeks before her wedding, she's obviously not gonna participate.
DeleteAlso, it's not like your wedding is first and you're stealing her thunder with the DJ. Just tell her you love her style and want to copy her. If she cares so much she can get a different DJ.
She's probably already having a hard time juggling being a MOH and a bride at the same time... it may seem juvenile, but give her a break, tell your fiance not to take her DJ. Either go the DIY route with your playlist, or find an equally as inexpensive DJ... there has to be one out there.
ReplyDeleteMy wedding DJ played my sister's wedding, and the weddings of three other friends before ours. Nobody noticed. Tell her that the music you're selecting will make it different.
ReplyDeleteWhat is so hard about being a MOH that makes doing that and wedding planning so impossible, such that irrational demands are acceptable? And if it is *so* hard, shouldn't the conversation be "I want to stand by you but I can't do all your shit for you", rather than "Don't steal my DJ"? MOH should be a honorific title - not a job description!
ReplyDeleteamen!
Delete