Bridesmaid to Bridesmaid

Hey eastsidebride,

I'm 1 year married, and have been reading your blog forever. Love everything about it, keep it up!

So my sister in law is getting married in about 6 weeks, and has (obviously) been pretty stressed with last minute planning. To top it off, the caterer she had scheduled just fell through, and she's in a tailspin trying to find another one who's available on such short notice (total bummer)! Anywho, she has 6 bridesmaids who are all individually close friends of hers. One of them is kind of needy from what I can tell and is always texting her about her boy drama and "needs her." Well, my sister in law is the best and wants to be there for her Bridesmaid and help her with her problems of course, but it is SUPER stressing her out! We have talked about it a few times, and I can just feel the stress radiating from her body. She does not have time to deal with her trivial made-up drama, when she has actual drama to take care of, you know... a wedding to plan. I am not friends with this Bridesmaid, but I feel like I should interject and make her realize just how uncalled for this is right about now. I want to email her and tell her to back off! Nicely pointed out, of course, maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing. Is that totally rude, or is it something I should do in order to help the Bride out? Sister in law will definitely not lay it out for her. She is toooo sweet. Help!

happily-done-with-stressful-wedding-planning, but know-how-it-feels, bridesmaid


  1. No, you cannot "nicely" tell a stranger that she's being a pain in the ass to your stressed out sister. Doing so will further stress her out, because it will put her in the middle of your randomly initiated cat fight.

    Instead, you can be sweet and wonderful to your sister-in-law and try to take things off her plate, and let her vent to you when she is overwhelmed. Substantially more productive to try and make someone else's life easier than telling her friends they are making it more difficult.

    1. Dude. Amanda. You nailed it. Nice.

    2. Yup, Amanda nailed it. You'd just make it worse. Best thing you can do is help the bride out and let her vent when she needs to.

  2. Totally agree. I love you on behalf of your SIL, and I feel your pain. (I would want to do the same thing!) but they are right. You gotta stay out of it.

    Just be awesome like you clearly already are and facilitate mon-stressful things with your SIL. If you are local, show up at her place with [libation of choice] and help out! That will do more than telling off her rogue bridesmaid.

  3. yes, it's totally rude.

  4. Not your fight. All you can do is support the bride.

  5. Wow, thanks everyone! It's not often that the commenters are unanimous in their opinions. AWESOME. That makes me feel so much better about the other night when SIL and I hung out, ate baguette and cheeses, and drank (one too many?) gin and tonics. Major stress relief!

    Thanks everyone (and especially esb),

  6. First of all, what a great SIL. However, really you should encourage your SIL to grow a pair and let this girl know that as much as she means to her this is just not the time fabricate a life crisis. There are people out there, like this bridesmaid, who don't realize that there is anyone else coexisting in this world. We must put them in their place. The trick is to do it in a way that is not offensive....

  7. So I am in a wedding party with 3 other girls and the MOH is LAZY!
    She doesn't want to do ANYTHING and she wants the Bridal Shower in a basement?
    The bride has a HUGE family that she wants to be at the Bridal Party, but the MOH will not settle to have it at the hall because she doesnt want to plan the party. If one of us tries to help her, she pulls, "Well, you arent the Maid of Honor".
    What are the Bridesmaids to do???

  8. you gotta mind your biz and stay out of it