Dear ESB,
I know they say weddings bring the worst out in people and two of my friends recently got married so I’ve heard them sound off, but I honestly didn’t think it was as true as it is. First of all my mother had serious health problems last February and I had gotten engaged that previous fall. My maid of honor and cousin didn’t talk to me for six months during the time just after my mother fell ill and during the beginning of my wedding planning. I emailed, called…nothing. So I had to go pick out my dress without my mom or my MOH, all my bridesmaids but one were out of state, so thankfully my wonderful coworkers and one bridesmaid came with me and it was wonderful, but it’s like really? Then when I finally did hear from her, she proceeds to sob at the bar about how she is single, and going to turn into an old maid and I’m consoling her telling her it’s going to be fine, she just needs to be positive etc. So after all that she pulled it together, it was a wonderful shower that she planned, but she did forget to invite my godmother who is now mad at me and she blew off my bachelorette party and told me the week before.
Next there is my bridesmaid who said she planned a “girl’s night” after my shower for me, which consisted of all her friends and her sister’s friends?!? She got into a fight with her sister and bff during my bachelorette party and didn’t talk to me the whole time, and she got married two years ago and they didn’t take a honeymoon and so she lets me know that they have planned it during the same week I am taking mine, in Mexico where we are going and are asking my fiancé and I if we want to go on excursion together while we are there…how bout NO, it’s my honeymoon!
My future sister-in-law just got divorced, which fine, that sucks, but I didn’t want her in my wedding party to begin with because she is a flake, not dependable and ends up pissing off my fiancé and his dad. But she got crammed down my throat by the in-laws so I included her at the expense of my other sister-in-law who I actually wanted to ask to be in the wedding. Then guess what, about 3 months before the wedding she tells me she can’t be in it. Awesome! Her flowers and gift are already purchased and because we asked her, we had to also ask my three brothers to be in my fiancée’s wedding party to be fair, so the wedding party is now massive and Rob couldn’t even ask a few of his good friends because of the dynamic. Now I will say my other bridesmaids have been awesome, and I am SO GRATEFUL to have them!!!
But let’s talk about the boys now. Best man DID NOTHING, I mean nothing, he screwed up the bachelor party and didn’t plan anything and it was almost canceled until my brother took over and planned the whole thing, and he sees nothing wrong with this.
One of the groomsmen ditched out on our Jack and Jill to go to his high school reunion, another “can’t make it to the wedding rehearsal,” but don’t worry he’s taking the Monday after the wedding off so they can enjoy a min-vacation.
Finally our wedding website caused controversy believe it or not! We have a page like most do that list the wedding party, I have them in order with how the procession will go. I had to take my future sister-in-law off because she’s out, so the last entry was my fiancée’s childhood best friend, I included descriptions and tried to list some accomplishments etc. well my fiancée’s childhood friend was unemployed at the time I created this, so I talked about him being a sports enthusiast, his beautiful wife, how he is sweet and funny…apparently his father-in-law disapproved of them coming to the wedding because he thinks they need to save money. Instead of staying this to him, he tells him that clearly from the description we must think he is stupid because we listed everyone else’s jobs and schooling but not his and we put him dead last, and said why are you going to a wedding for people you barely know…my fiancé was his best man! And instead of the childhood bestie and his wife defending us, and oh wait, my fiancé’s parents are paying for their plane tickets, we have never been anything but nice, we drove six hours to be at their wedding and paid for the hotel, attire etc… they felt the need to call us and confront us about it.
Well here is what I say to all this nonsense! I get it, this is more important to us then it is to others, but seriously we are so laid back, with barely any expectations, we haven’t asked anyone for anything we either wouldn’t do for them or haven’t already done. And we have forgiven all this nonsense and take the high road, but the website garbage was the last straw. We are in our late twenties, seriously people, you can’t pull your heads out of your asses for your friends who are asking the bare minimum of you! Well I guess now we know who are real friends are an who we can depend on and who we can’t. And it’s going to make things a lot simpler now! Gone are the days of me feeling obligated, or overly generous for these folks! And for every wedding I go to from here on out, I vow not to be an ass and put myself before the couple!!!
Sincerely,
OVER IT!!!
Ok, I get what sucks about a lot of this... but I don't see whats wrong with the groomsman going to his high school reunion instead of your wedding shower.
ReplyDeleteThese fools have turned you into a crazy person. Shut it down.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you shouldn't have let yourself be pressured into putting people into the bridal party, or considered it obligatory because they're family or you were in their wedding, etc. Second, I question how close you and your fiance are to the MOH and BM. If you're such good friends, why was she not speaking to you for months and why did he not put any effort into the bachelor party?
Kick 'em all out- all the trouble makers obviously don't want to be a part of this and are probably acting out as a result. Keep the one or two people who have actually stood by your side, as they are your true friends. Call the florist and see if you can cancel the extra flowers and get at least a partial refund. If not, ask if you can put the cost of the canceled bouquets and bouts towards extra arrangements or an upgrade in the rest of the flowers. Return the gifts - ebay 'em if you can't. There is no reason you have to continue dealing with this nonsense.
Take a deep breath and calm down for a minute. Yes, it sucks when people let you down, don't live up to your expectations (no matter how high or low they are), and just plain old hurt your feelings. But as you said, no one cares about your wedding as much as you and your fiance do. And that's fine. Some of these excuses are totally legit- HS reunion, taking the honeymoon to Mexico (you don't own Mexico, sorry), forgetting the godmother (prob an honest mistake). And some of the excuses are just people being inconsiderate. You need to forgive and let go of anything you can, and know you can't control others' actions. And the people that still suck- talk to them. Ignore their parents and all the other people who should have NO influence on your wedding. And then gave a glass of wine and chill.
ReplyDeleteas esb always says, you need to let some of the bridal party 'off the hook' and they don't need to be party of the wedding. cut them out and start from scratch
ReplyDeleteAside from what everyone else said, I think it's odd you put the education/jobs on the webpage, particularly when there's a sensitive situation of someone NOT being gainfully employed. It's not Linkedin, it's a wedding. I would not be happy if someone posted pieces of my resume on their wedding web page.
ReplyDeleteBut that doesn't excuse the MIA behavior. If your MOH and Best Man were unable to perform all the normal tasks involved, they should have vocalized this and let you guys decide if you still wanted them.
#1 Communication. Did all these people know these things were expected of them? If so, they are kind of rude/taking advantage. If not, they may not have realized how important it is to you. People can't read minds, so even if something is obvious to you it may not be to them.
ReplyDelete#2 Your website sounds tacky. Not everybody wants their life story up on the internet. At most it needs: name – groomsman – childhood friend of the groom. KISS. That was your bad and people have a right to be sensitive about it. I do think they went overboard in this case, but it was preventable with a little more discretion.
#3 Cut some of these divas from your wedding (life?) and move on.
Jesus fucking Christ, you're a total narcissistic bitch.
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't nice. I totally disagree. She is stressed and everyone around her is currently sucking.
DeleteI'm late to the party here, but there's something I've always wondered. Why do brides have so many goddamn pre-wedding parties? This is mainly an American thing, although the UK is starting to get on board (please god no!) but no wonder brides are stressed! Even if they get friends to organise (and let's face it there's so much room for failure) WHY do you need a bridal shower, bachelorette, Jack & Jill (wtf is that?) rehearsal dinner... Not only do they cause stress but they cause everyone to be bloody broke! I didn't have a bridal party or a hen night, and I survived. In fact I felt good knowing I didn't make all my friends fork out precious money on dresses & cocktails and resent me for it. They were there on the day, and happy for us, that's all you need right?
ReplyDelete