Bridesmaid help!

Hey!

First off, I love your blog! I came across it while googling "how to deal with cunt-y future sister in law!" I never thought I'd have to write you for advice, but the cunty future sister in law has gotten the best of me.

Let me start at the beginning. We used to get a long great. We weren't overly friends because we're completely different people (her - bar-star kardashian wannabe, me - artist-type, who hates most pop culture) We would work out together, and I really tried to have a good relationship with her since their family is so close. Fast forward to a year and a half ago, we get engaged, I ask her to be a bridesmaid, not thinking that she could actually cause as much of a shit show of drama as the ones on the stupid reality tv shows she watches. 

I tell the girls to get whatever dress they want, in any color in the peach/cream/coral range, and figure they'll figure something out. and honestly I don't really care as long as everyone is comfortable, and the other girls all have great style. Crazy sends me this


I ask if she thinks its a little over the top for a beach wedding? She says "she loves it, and anyone she shows loves it too. And she would like to be extra dressed up, it is HER BROTHERS wedding after all" I reply that I think its hideous, but ultimately she can wear whatever she likes, and this would give me and the rest of my friends something to laugh at. She doesn't buy the dress in the end, crisis averted. 

Following all this, she causes issues with all my nearest and dearest friends planning the shower and bachelorette party, and I get to hear the girls bitch about her. In addition, shes given me a ton of "advice" that I never asked for, because she clearly thinks this is her wedding. 

Then this weekend was my bachelorette party. We all drove out to a cabin with a hot tub and drank ourselves stupid. The first night, she starts bitching about one of my other bridesmaids (who wasn't coming out until the next morning) finally one of the girls interject and say that I don't need to hear this when I'm supposed to be having fun. She shuts up, but then the next night, she starts bitching to me about all the family we didn't invite. We were trying to have a small destination wedding and despite this we still ended up inviting close to 200 people. She starts listing off about 20 family members we didn't invite, and then starts naming the friends we should have dropped so we could invite them.

I tell her we made a conscious decision not to invite family if they hadn't met our significant other because we've been dating 7 years and that should have been enough time to introduce themselves. Our families are quite large and it would be really expensive to host everyone that we barely know. She said that since we are having a destination wedding its cheap so we should figure out how to invite everyone instead of embarrassing her family. When I made the guest list, I showed it to my parents, and my future in laws, and nobody said I was missing anyone, and now she decides to start a fight with me at my party over it? AND she is deciding what we can afford? So I finish my drink and decide to go to bed because she won't shut up about it.

The next day, I come home and my fiance asks if I have fun, and I say yes, until your sister started a fight with me and ruined my night. He texts her that we invited who we invited and she needs to mind her own business. Then I get a rant of a text from her saying, "I don't know what I've ever done to you, but your being a little dramatic. I have my own problems right now and I don't need rude texts from my brother, so thanks. You brought the topic up (I didn't) and I was giving my opinion, sorry if that upset you, but don't you think your putting me in an uncomfortable position when your complaining about inviting guests you don't know, that happen to be my family or parents friends or complaining about how much you are paying? I don't know if its the stress of the wedding but your acting different lately. People can have a conversation without getting so defensive or worked up"

I honestly wasn't worked up at all and multiple times I said enough! calm down to try and get her to stop screaming at me. I can't kick her out of the wedding party, because I can't deal with anymore of her drama. Even though all my other friends say she's got to go, because who knows how much more drama she will cause in the next few months before the wedding. I'm very non-confrontational, and kicking her out will cause a war. But I need to figure out a way to deal with her, because its not like she's going anywhere.

Any Suggestions?

Thanks!

5 comments:

  1. this did not help my sinus headache in the least bit.

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  2. It's 10:30 am but now I need a drink.

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  3. That dress is hilarious. And it sounds like this is his younger, baby, sister. Lucky you.

    What I would do is
    1. Try to involve her as little in future things as possible. Especially with planning.
    2. If shes really bothering you, talk to your fiancee about it and have him be the intermediary. If she texts/emails you rants about something you discussed with him, tell her to take it up with her brother.
    3. Really, just limit your contact with her as much as possible for the next few months. Or just walk away when she starts being a bitch.

    Good luck!

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  4. Am I too late? Maybe.

    Speaking from experience, having a very non-confrontational personality is a big liability when planning a wedding. She's probably used to you going with the flow of her large personality and doing what she wants, and now she has to hear about your opinions and do what you want.

    No wonder she thinks you've turned into a different person lately. You probably have, and that's a good thing (it's your wedding!). But oh man, I am so sorry you have to deal with her. She sounds pretty heinous.

    One thing, though: you gave a range of colors knowing she had bad taste and let her pick a dress she liked, then told her how ugly it was. Those are some pretty mixed messages.

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  5. I don't understand why you can't kick her out, but beyond that, why does she have to be involved beyond an invite to the shower and telling her where and when to show up? She's annoying because you're giving her free reign to flap her gums at you. Tell her you aren't interested. Walk away. Don't be a doormat and stop including her in bridesmaids stuff. She can be a bridesmaid, in name only. You don't have to deal with her again until the next wedding function.

    But future advice here: this shit does not disappear after your wedding. Nipping her ridiculous behavior in the bud NOW will do a great service to your marriage. Tell your husband to talk face to face with his sister and get her to back off.

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