I have been kicked out of 2 weddings. But I swear, I'm nice!
Just to give you some perspective, I just turned 22, have been a bridesmaid 4 times, and have been to over 50 weddings in the last 3 years.
Yes, my friends do need hobbies.
I am writing because 1. your blog is like finding water in the desert. Seriously. Every bride, MIL, MOB, and bridesmaid needs to read ESB, because my guess is, it would smack some sense and humility into a few of them. Or at least that's what I would hope would happen. 2. I figured if I could help some poor girl in the future with my horrible wedding experiences, they might have been worth it. One of my biggest pieces of wedding advice to ladies is this: IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO SAY NO TO BEING A BRIDESMAID.
Trust me, it may seem awkward or you may be afraid to have that confrontation. If any of you are like me, you just want people to be happy and leave you alone.
But, in many cases, it may actually SAVE your friendship if you say no. Why? Oh, maybe perhaps because most brides I know all said "I am going to be the most laid-back bride you've ever seen. You will love being my bridesmaid." And then 3 months and $1500 later, you are ready to blow your brains out because they are demanding you lose weight, throw them 5 showers, spend another $2k on Vegas, and telling you how much your school and work life is cutting into HER wedding schedule. Well pardon me for having a life, lady. You will start to resent the way your "friend/bridezilla" is treating you and take it from me, she will pick up on that. Especially if she's crazy. However, sometimes no longer speaking to people after getting kicked out of their wedding is a good thing. Which leads me to my second point:
It is also perfectly acceptable to cut horrible friends out of your life. And if you are unsure about any of your friends, trust me, their wedding will flush out their true colors. My mom likes to say weddings are like life trials: they bring out either the best or worst in people. The two weddings I was kicked out of were miserable, because the brides are terrible, selfish people. No thank you, I do not feel like choosing between 100,000 emerald earrings, only to have you hate the ones I picked, and then change the earrings all together. I spent so much time, money, and energy trying to "be there for them" for every little meltdown, buy cute presents, spent hundreds of hours crafting my stupid life away on ugly zebra print Save The Dates. If your friends or family are needy, clingy, rude people, their wedding will only magnify that. Getting kicked out of both weddings were some of the greatest days of my life because it forced me to see how I allowed people to use and treat me. (If anyone is wondering why I got kicked out: Wedding #1: because I finally stood up to the bride and told her to stop gossiping about me to her family and other bridesmaids and to treat me with respect. She promptly kicked me out and I walked away happier than I had been in a year. Wedding #2: This bride felt I didn't "care" enough because I lived halfway across the country. She had her dad call my mom to tell me I was out. Yeah, I know. Also: I told both brides I expected them to refund the money I had spent on shoes, dress, etc. They both refused, despite the fact that I spent nearly $2k on each wedding).
I have only enjoy 2 of the weddings I have been in (I guess 50% isn't bad. Or does that mean I'm failing at being a bridesmaid? That's definitely possible). I absolutely loved my best friend's wedding as well as my brother's (because his fiance is freaking amazing and one of my closest friends). The reasons these weddings were so fun: 1. The brides are laid-back, kindhearted, self-less people. 2. Their taste rocks. 3. They actually picked dresses I have worn again (but then again, see #2).
My point: pick awesome friends, grow a backbone, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Lastly, and I can't imagine anyone who reads your blog would be guilty of this, but hey, you never know! For heavens sake, please do NOT ask to be a bridesmaid, especially if your friend isn't even DATING anyone yet. I literally had a friend cry when she asked to be my future MOH (I am very much single by the way) and I awkwardly told her that job would be going to my insanely awesome sister. Lastly, don't get offended if your friend puts you "last" in the row of bridesmaids during the ceremony. It's not a freaking competition. She asked you to stand up there with her, out of the hundreds of people she knows. Be honored and happy for her and stop comparing yourself to the other girls.
Mkay, rant over,
Used To Want To Be A Wedding Planner